Are you ghosting yourself?

The quiet epidemic of self-abandonment, and the first steps home

Ghost Ship

We don’t just get ghosted by others.
We ghost ourselves—slowly disappearing from our own lives in the name of peacekeeping, survival, or belonging.

At some point, we wake up like a ship in fog—adrift, unanchored, barely recognizable.
That’s what this piece, Ghost Ship, is about.

And that’s what we’re here to come back from.

I’ve spoken to so many women lately who want to “reclaim” something—old dreams, long-lost passions, a version of themselves they barely remember. And I love that desire. I see the hunger for more in their eyes and in their words.

But here’s the hard truth that keeps floating to the surface:

You can’t reclaim a dream if you’ve never even claimed yourself.

That realization hit me square in the chest after I came across a quote from Andrea Dworkin. She wrote:

“Women have been taught that, for us, the only acceptable forms of power are through being chosen or being desired.”

Let that sit for a second.

We’re not taught to choose ourselves. Instead, we’re taught to be likable,desirable.
and deserving.

If we succeed at that long enough, we’re told, then maybe we’ll be rewarded—with love, with attention, with a tiny sliver of permission to have a life that’s ours.

It’s no wonder so many women in long marriages or lifelong relationships struggle with reclaiming their dreams. No one ever told them they could choose themselves first.

Why Choosing Yourself Isn’t Selfish

Many of us were raised to believe that sacrifice equals love. That silence equals strength. That support means putting everyone else’s needs ahead of our own—forever.

Choosing yourself? That was reserved for the selfish.
The self-centered.
The women who didn’t get it.

And so we did the right things. We married. We nurtured. We folded ourselves into the corners of everyone else’s stories.

And for a long time, it worked. It was good.
Until it wasn’t.

Until the kids grew up.
Until the noise quieted.
Until we looked around and realized—we’d disappeared from our own lives.

Now, decades later, choosing yourself feels foreign.
It feels...wrong.
Especially if you’ve built a life around keeping someone else stable, happy, or emotionally managed.

But it’s not wrong.
It’s overdue.

Signs You Haven’t Chosen Yourself (Yet)

Maybe this sounds familiar:

• You wait for permission or approval before doing something just for you.

• You feel guilty spending money on something that isn’t “practical” or family-focused.

• You automatically adjust your needs to match your partner’s, even if it means denying your own.

• You can’t remember the last time you made a decision without running it through the filter of “What will he think?”

This isn’t weakness. This is programming.
But the good news? Programming can be undone.

Gentle Ways to Begin Choosing Yourself Again

You don’t have to start with a grand gesture. You don’t have to blow up your life. You don’t even need a plan. You just need a moment. Here are a few:

• Wake up and ask, “What do I want today?”—before anyone else’s needs rush in.

• Reclaim a small space that’s just yours. A drawer. A chair. A journal. A quiet corner.

• Spend $20 on something that brings you joy—with no apology and no explanation.

• Try something your partner wouldn’t enjoy. Go to that museum. Watch that movie. Walk that trail. Alone.

• Speak a full sentence about what you want without softening it. No “just.” No “maybe.” No “if that’s okay.” Just the truth.

Every one of these actions plants a seed.

What Choosing Yourself Makes Possible

Here’s the part no one tells you:

You don’t need a vision board or a five-year plan to reclaim your dreams.

This is your opportunity to begin developing self-trust—
not in someone else’s approval, but in your own autonomy, your own agency, your own being. A place inside you that says, “I matter. My desires count. My time is mine.”

• When you start choosing yourself—even in small, quiet ways—you begin to remember the self you left behind.
  And that self?
  She remembers what she dreamed about.

• She remembers what made her feel alive.
  

• She remembers how to want things without guilt.

• And from there, the dreams come rushing back.

Coming Home

I know this because I’ve lived it.

I’ve spent years trying to prove, earn, apologize, explain.
I’ve bent myself into a thousand shapes to keep the peace, maintain the connection, or meet someone else’s emotional expectations.

And yet... the peace never came—until I started choosing me. The process, the ideas and the practical suggestions I employed are offered to you at no cost at the end of this article.

Now?
I’m painting again.
I’m writing things I love.
I’m laughing out loud at my own silly jokes online.
I’m free in ways I never imagined.

And I want that for you, too.

This isn’t about leaving your marriage or rejecting everything you’ve built.
It’s about coming home to the woman inside it.
The one who’s been waiting for your yes.

✨ If this resonated with you, start with the roadmap.
How to Re-Claim Your Dream is a simple, soulful PDF to help you begin—especially if you’ve spent years prioritizing everyone else.
It’s free. It’s gentle. And it’s yours.

Get it here: https://monirose.gumroad.com/l/roadmap

💌 If you have a friend or family member who might need a little encouragement today, feel free to forward this to them. Sometimes the right words land at just the right time.