I had a mushroom journey in which the main message was “you are a place in humankind, you do not need to earn your place”
I wrote my scorecard the other day and laughed at how ridiculous… negative points for being late, positive points for being generous. Then I fed it to the fire, and whenever the thought of being behind or needing to gain credit comes up, I remember that fire and I smile….
I love this. The ability to make friends with the void. Especially, if you are someone who lives to fill the cracks, who tried meditation many times and ended up with more anxiety than I had before going into the practice, who was project and task-oriented...that woman. I love the idea of developing this as a new friend.
I taught online art classes for years. After creating the classes, marketing, and holding private Facebook groups for each class for 10 years, sometimes, after a class ended, I'd be afraid. What do I do now? Did I run out of things to teach? I remember one time feeling so depressed after teaching an all-encompassing class that I closed my artroom door for a couple of months, scared to go in. From that space, or void, I ended up teaching one of my favorite classes - watercolor seascapes. I taught art that I was just learning how to create, but I did it anyway, and it always felt like standing at the precipice. I'd start trying something new, think it would be a great class, and jump back in. I literally taught alcohol ink, acrylic, encaustic wax, pastels, collage, watercolors, and more.
I stopped teaching two weeks before my brother got ill and he died in 13 days. I shifted my creativity or rather, grief, to writing and wrote three books this year. I just finished a 10-week Gotham course on Humor and loved the assignments, critiques, and the opportunity to read others' writing. That ended, and I jumped into Substack. But, I truly think it is the void that I am scared of. What is my purpose at 71? Can I really write that memoir on my life?
I want this - The void will not swallow you. It is not punishment for slowing down. It is where your own voice finally gets a chance to speak after years of being talked over by obligation.
Understanding it isn’t required. Mastering it isn’t required.
Just sitting there long enough to let it become familiar.
I just read this from Amina AlTai, author of The Ambition Trap:
Often, the most meaningful seasons of our lives don't look like a moment of lift. They look a little less perfect and more like a messy becoming. And if you're in a season that feels a little quieter, a little heavier, or a little less sparkly than you hoped, it doesn't mean you're off track. It might mean you're being reshaped into someone who can hold the fullness of what's next.
I was first introduced to the idea that I am enough just as I am, and I don’t need to earn a place 30 years ago. I lost track of that through the decades of solo parenting and my very demanding career. It found its way back to me a few years ago and I am slowly owning it. There is so much freedom in it!
Thanks, Monica. I saw myself in many thoughts you expressed in this gem. I nodded a few times, aha-ed a couple, and silently muttered 'yup" throughout. I'll return to today's post, I know.
Thanks, Monica, and everyone else who’s responded. I feel a sense of joy knowing so many other women are shifting and changing and exploring these topics.
After years of … you got it, and now what?
The dreams and being with myself in exploration, and allowing. 🧡
You nailed it.
I had a mushroom journey in which the main message was “you are a place in humankind, you do not need to earn your place”
I wrote my scorecard the other day and laughed at how ridiculous… negative points for being late, positive points for being generous. Then I fed it to the fire, and whenever the thought of being behind or needing to gain credit comes up, I remember that fire and I smile….
I love this. The ability to make friends with the void. Especially, if you are someone who lives to fill the cracks, who tried meditation many times and ended up with more anxiety than I had before going into the practice, who was project and task-oriented...that woman. I love the idea of developing this as a new friend.
I taught online art classes for years. After creating the classes, marketing, and holding private Facebook groups for each class for 10 years, sometimes, after a class ended, I'd be afraid. What do I do now? Did I run out of things to teach? I remember one time feeling so depressed after teaching an all-encompassing class that I closed my artroom door for a couple of months, scared to go in. From that space, or void, I ended up teaching one of my favorite classes - watercolor seascapes. I taught art that I was just learning how to create, but I did it anyway, and it always felt like standing at the precipice. I'd start trying something new, think it would be a great class, and jump back in. I literally taught alcohol ink, acrylic, encaustic wax, pastels, collage, watercolors, and more.
I stopped teaching two weeks before my brother got ill and he died in 13 days. I shifted my creativity or rather, grief, to writing and wrote three books this year. I just finished a 10-week Gotham course on Humor and loved the assignments, critiques, and the opportunity to read others' writing. That ended, and I jumped into Substack. But, I truly think it is the void that I am scared of. What is my purpose at 71? Can I really write that memoir on my life?
I want this - The void will not swallow you. It is not punishment for slowing down. It is where your own voice finally gets a chance to speak after years of being talked over by obligation.
Understanding it isn’t required. Mastering it isn’t required.
Just sitting there long enough to let it become familiar.
Make friends with it.
Thank you.
I just read this from Amina AlTai, author of The Ambition Trap:
Often, the most meaningful seasons of our lives don't look like a moment of lift. They look a little less perfect and more like a messy becoming. And if you're in a season that feels a little quieter, a little heavier, or a little less sparkly than you hoped, it doesn't mean you're off track. It might mean you're being reshaped into someone who can hold the fullness of what's next.
I was first introduced to the idea that I am enough just as I am, and I don’t need to earn a place 30 years ago. I lost track of that through the decades of solo parenting and my very demanding career. It found its way back to me a few years ago and I am slowly owning it. There is so much freedom in it!
Thanks, Monica. I saw myself in many thoughts you expressed in this gem. I nodded a few times, aha-ed a couple, and silently muttered 'yup" throughout. I'll return to today's post, I know.
Ah, something quietly spoken this morning. I got it! Thank you.
Thanks, Monica, and everyone else who’s responded. I feel a sense of joy knowing so many other women are shifting and changing and exploring these topics.
After years of … you got it, and now what?
The dreams and being with myself in exploration, and allowing. 🧡