Five Steps I’ll Never Take
And Why My Life is Better for It
I’m taking a brief break from the 30-Day Reclamation today. Consider this little missive a snapshot of where I stand — how I live, how I choose, what I’ve outgrown. I’ll be back at it again on Thursday, but for now, here’s a reminder of the creed that guides me.
Step 1: I’m never silencing my intuition to make anyone comfortable.
I did that for decades — listened to experts, pastors, bosses, partners — and lost track of my own voice.
Now my intuition runs the show. She’s bold, loud, and occasionally inappropriate, and I trust her with my life.
I recognize that my living situation — a self-imposed hermit life — isn’t typical. But choosing solitude let me make rapid adjustments in my nervous system, which in turn helped me build an unshakable trust in my own spirit and intuition.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Keeping other people out of my decision-making wasn’t isolation; it was incubation. It gave me the space to rebuild my life from the crumbs I was left with two years ago — and turn them into something whole, steady, and mine.
If you are serious about impacting your own life - making the changes I often suggest here, perhpas you can find opportunities to go on a retreat. Often church’s offer them, as do YMCA/YWCA, etc. I strongly urge a get away if you do not llive in singularity as I do.
If you’re serious about impacting your own life — about making the kind of changes I often talk about here — consider giving yourself the gift of retreat.
Churches, YMCAs, YWCAs — they all offer versions of it.
I strongly encourage a getaway, especially if you don’t live in the kind of singularity I do. Sometimes you have to step away from the noise long enough to hear your own heartbeat again.
I confess I have considered organizing some kind of retreat for my readers in the spring of 2026. The idea is still in the incubator, though. However if you think you’d be interested, I would love to hear from you.
Step 2: I’m never chasing someone else’s definition of success.
Been there, built that, burned out.
If my “big win” doesn’t include peace, joy, and a nap when I need one, I’m not interested.
I’d love to say this one came easy to me, but it didn’t. I still wrestle with the idea that taking a simple afternoon off makes me “lazy.” Those messages from our upbringing are baked into our DNA — and it takes tenderness to release them, one layer at a time.
Every time you sit with yourself for a two-minute breathing exercise, you’re reprogramming your nervous system. You’re teaching it peace. In time, that calm will replace the noise from our noisy childhoods.
Step 3: I’m never taking advice from someone who’s never had to rebuild themselves.
You can spot them a mile away — people who’ve never been cracked open but love to hand out glue.
Recently I received a DM on Facebook from a well-meaning woman my age — or at least, I want to believe she meant well.
She opened with, “From one girl to another, I’m reaching out to help.”
Then came her “help”: “You simply ought not to have that long hair anymore. It’s just not flattering to your face.”
Seriously. She wrote that to me.
So I did what any curious woman would do — I visited her profile.
What I saw was someone who’d stopped managing her own health and presence, a woman who had let the man in her life make all the choices. Yet there she was, girlfriend to girlfriend, admonishing me about my hair length.
All I could do was laugh — and feel a little sad for her. She was only echoing what she’d been told by generations before her.
And she couldn’t let it be.
Bless her heart.
I want the ones with scars and stories, not spreadsheets and slogans.
Step 4: I’m never performing for belonging.
I’ve outgrown circles where I had to shrink to fit.
I’ll stand alone before I’ll stand quiet.
Recently a friend invited me on a drive through the Blue Ridge Mountains to enjoy the fall colors. Of course I leaped at it. We headed to the Peaks of Otter — that little lodge nestled beside a lake, surrounded by mountains bursting with red, orange, and gold. That’s my personal heaven.
But here’s the truth: I couldn’t relax. I couldn’t just be. My old habit of performing — of making myself smaller, more pleasant, more agreeable — kept creeping back in.
So every time I felt that energy tightening around me, I stood up and stretched my arms wide open. (Yes, there are photos.) I held the pose for thirty seconds, chest open, breathing deep. And in that moment, all I could feel was joy — the pure, grounded kind that lives in the now.
I must have done it fifteen times that day. And I still do it at home — while something’s baking, or while I’m waiting on the dryer to finish.
That small movement tells my nervous system, I choose to feel good right now.
And that’s a powerful signal.
Step 5: I’m never mistaking safety for alignment.
Safe kept me small.
Aligned makes me electric.
Every time I choose what feels alive over what looks smart, the universe high-fives me.
Yesterday I broke every so-called healthy food rule.
I wanted fudge, so I made fudge. Then, on the hour, every hour, I did my breathing practice — and felt lighter each time.
Later the craving hit again, this time for homemade french fries. I added a Coke to wash them down. And the whole time, I giggled out loud at my choice — the sheer joy of being in alignment with both my soul and my body.
Living in alignment with my soul is my number-one priority.
If someone asks what kind of work I do, I tell them simply:
I breathe so I can hear the voice of my soul.
Lesson:
I don’t need a 10-step plan or a 40-year résumé to know what I want.
I just need the courage to listen, the guts to act, and the trust to let life meet me halfway.
Every tool, exercise, and mindset that helps me live this way — in flow, not fear — lives inside Re-Foundation.
If you’re ready to stop performing and start living by your own inner rhythm, that’s where we begin.
If my words land like a spark in your morning coffee, imagine what a full year together could light up.
Go annual — it’s less than five bucks a month and gives you a full year of daily emails, Saturday Soul Notes, and our Sunday Zoom circles where we actually live this stuff out.
And if you want my voice in your pocket — I mean literally — you can find me on Voxer.
Paid members get quick voice messages from me three or four times a week — little sparks of encouragement, reminders, and reality checks to keep you aligned and moving.
It’s like having your own personal coach and champion walking beside you, cheering you on while you build the life that’s waiting for you.
Because it’s NEVER too late to rewire your life — and it’s a lot more fun when we do it together.