I can see all through my life I’ve been chasing safety.
Performing by someone else’s rulebook.
Choosing a marriage never meant for me, a religion that said it would save me until it didn’t, and a career that offered subsistence, but not sustenance.
This piece resonated with me deeply. What I’ve come to realise over time is that the constant search for peace in a distorted world — by attaching ourselves to one system or another — does very little to truly settle the nervous system.
Why? Because more often than not, it is simply a carrot being dangled in front of the donkey. It looks inviting — crisp, nourishing, beautifully presented — but the game itself is rigged.
You may brush against it briefly, inhale its promise, watch others chasing their own carrots, feel a fleeting sense of belonging — and then the chase resumes.
Until one day, something shifts. The questions change. And instead of asking how to run faster, one begins to ask why the chase exists at all.
I attached myself to systems that promised to mold into their idea of a better person. I wanted to belong, to fit in, so that looked pretty darned good to me. After a while, years actually, It was a sham—the organizations, me!I have seen discovered what I truly needed was inside me the whole time. I don’t need to confirm to anybody’s ideas about anything. I am an older woman rediscovering who I am. The more I am able to do that, the more honest I feel.
So many of us did that. We handed ourselves over to systems because they promised belonging, safety, and a clear definition of “better.” And for a while, it works. Until it doesn’t.
What I love about what you said is the honesty of the turn. The moment you realized nothing was actually missing. You weren’t broken or behind. You were just listening outward instead of inward.
There is something profoundly powerful about an older woman saying, “I’m rediscovering who I am.” Not reinventing. Reclaiming. And honesty is always the byproduct of that kind of return.
Straight to the soulheart of it. 💫I feel like I’ve just been given permission after all these years to Be Me. Your messages land strong and clear. 🐬🌈❤️🙏🌠
Your word, "gripping" made me burst out with laughter and recognition. The hunt for safety in my body continues to elude me. I am following...let's see where I land.
Thank you for being a lighthouse once again.
I can see all through my life I’ve been chasing safety.
Performing by someone else’s rulebook.
Choosing a marriage never meant for me, a religion that said it would save me until it didn’t, and a career that offered subsistence, but not sustenance.
Now that’s a breakthrough!
This piece resonated with me deeply. What I’ve come to realise over time is that the constant search for peace in a distorted world — by attaching ourselves to one system or another — does very little to truly settle the nervous system.
Why? Because more often than not, it is simply a carrot being dangled in front of the donkey. It looks inviting — crisp, nourishing, beautifully presented — but the game itself is rigged.
You may brush against it briefly, inhale its promise, watch others chasing their own carrots, feel a fleeting sense of belonging — and then the chase resumes.
Until one day, something shifts. The questions change. And instead of asking how to run faster, one begins to ask why the chase exists at all.
I attached myself to systems that promised to mold into their idea of a better person. I wanted to belong, to fit in, so that looked pretty darned good to me. After a while, years actually, It was a sham—the organizations, me!I have seen discovered what I truly needed was inside me the whole time. I don’t need to confirm to anybody’s ideas about anything. I am an older woman rediscovering who I am. The more I am able to do that, the more honest I feel.
Yes. This.
So many of us did that. We handed ourselves over to systems because they promised belonging, safety, and a clear definition of “better.” And for a while, it works. Until it doesn’t.
What I love about what you said is the honesty of the turn. The moment you realized nothing was actually missing. You weren’t broken or behind. You were just listening outward instead of inward.
There is something profoundly powerful about an older woman saying, “I’m rediscovering who I am.” Not reinventing. Reclaiming. And honesty is always the byproduct of that kind of return.
Thank you for naming it so clearly.
Straight to the soulheart of it. 💫I feel like I’ve just been given permission after all these years to Be Me. Your messages land strong and clear. 🐬🌈❤️🙏🌠
Your word, "gripping" made me burst out with laughter and recognition. The hunt for safety in my body continues to elude me. I am following...let's see where I land.