When you said this, "Freedom isn’t just the absence of obligation. It’s the practice of learning to belong to yourself", it felt so true. I am not officially retired or even of retirement age by US standards, but at 53, and after "retreating" from the workplace, I find myself learning for perhaps the first time who I really am, or what I want, and what will my day look like and everyday that passes, despite the guilt I feel of not being productive in society or making money or whatever expectations the world has of me, I find myself reframing so many questions and points of view, so that I may find out what I want, and who am I outside of my roles and obligations. It is still a work in progress. I am still a work in progress. Some days I force myself to look for work and see what is out there and other days, I go into myself and just sit with the idea that not doing anything is okay too, and maybe one day, I will be ready to start a new chapter in the book of my life, WHATEVER THAT MAY LOOK LIKE.
Thanks for this article, Monica. It’s really touched a nerve, especially when you described the two roles society offers us in retirement: become invisible and fade away, or continue to perform. I’m 70 and have been retired for almost 10 years, and I still find myself in performance mode way too often. I equate performance with providing value to others, but not necessarily to myself. As a musician, performance is certainly what we do, but I have yet to find a balance as to what is enjoyable and fulfilling and what is just added stress. You’ve given me a lot to think about today. Thank you for that.
I suspect we’re using the word “reinvention” differently. I don’t mean becoming someone else. I mean staying curious about who I’m still becoming. I hope I never outgrow that, no matter how many birthdays I’ve celebrated.
I think you're probably right. Still, I think I've already "become" who I'm going to be. Not that I don't follow the news, read, try to stay connected with the world.
As a child we used to sit, watching TV until we heard dad's truck coming. We would jump up and start cleaning. We knew he would bark if we didn't look busy. I am 60, and this article reminded me, I dont have to do busy work. I can just enjoy whatever because I want to. But, admittedly I stick to a pretty productive schedule because it feels natural to me. I write daily. I publish on Substack, I promote my children's books. Within all that, if there is an event I am anxious about, I remind myself it is my choice. There are a few things I want to do that I may just take off and do soon, but for the most part, just being free to create is enough.
Since I began reading your posts and looking at the booklet of the prompts for watching myself think like a crow I realized since retiring from 30+ years of teaching that I am still keeping a scorecard of my life. Egads, thanks for sharing your insights.
A couple of these points really hit home. "Tell yourself the truth.... and don't argue [rationalize] back!" Yep. One thing though that is so deeply ingrained I cannot shake........ that is that learning... noticing... being who I am.... is selfish. How can I refrain that?
Another oh-so pertinent article today Monica! 40 years in Banking trying to achieve sales targets and KPIs (key performance indicators in case that's an Aussie term). Then working in the husband's business and then running myself after he died, where customer reviews took the place of KPIs and the bottom line was the Holy Grail.
Then retirement and volunteering where the smiles from the aged care residents & gratitude and appreciation from management meant fulfilment.
And looking after a man who had once been a romantic partner but through ill health lost his job, having little financial knowledge having to help him navigate Social Security, helping him downsize to a smaller house and pay off debt, all the while silently giving myself points for usefulness and helpfulness.
But the volunteering ended abruptly when I apparently broke a golden rule by getting too close to a resident and the nasty new boss having me dismissed! And, once the "boyfriend" got a final good report card from his doctors, I let him down as gently as possible.
So now it's just me and the cats and a few coffee dates with friends.
So your article, has, once again, given me something to ponder upon in the vast, empty hours stretching out before me..........
When you said this, "Freedom isn’t just the absence of obligation. It’s the practice of learning to belong to yourself", it felt so true. I am not officially retired or even of retirement age by US standards, but at 53, and after "retreating" from the workplace, I find myself learning for perhaps the first time who I really am, or what I want, and what will my day look like and everyday that passes, despite the guilt I feel of not being productive in society or making money or whatever expectations the world has of me, I find myself reframing so many questions and points of view, so that I may find out what I want, and who am I outside of my roles and obligations. It is still a work in progress. I am still a work in progress. Some days I force myself to look for work and see what is out there and other days, I go into myself and just sit with the idea that not doing anything is okay too, and maybe one day, I will be ready to start a new chapter in the book of my life, WHATEVER THAT MAY LOOK LIKE.
Thanks for this article, Monica. It’s really touched a nerve, especially when you described the two roles society offers us in retirement: become invisible and fade away, or continue to perform. I’m 70 and have been retired for almost 10 years, and I still find myself in performance mode way too often. I equate performance with providing value to others, but not necessarily to myself. As a musician, performance is certainly what we do, but I have yet to find a balance as to what is enjoyable and fulfilling and what is just added stress. You’ve given me a lot to think about today. Thank you for that.
At 89 I'm beyond "reinvention" but appreciated the article.
I suspect we’re using the word “reinvention” differently. I don’t mean becoming someone else. I mean staying curious about who I’m still becoming. I hope I never outgrow that, no matter how many birthdays I’ve celebrated.
I think you're probably right. Still, I think I've already "become" who I'm going to be. Not that I don't follow the news, read, try to stay connected with the world.
As a child we used to sit, watching TV until we heard dad's truck coming. We would jump up and start cleaning. We knew he would bark if we didn't look busy. I am 60, and this article reminded me, I dont have to do busy work. I can just enjoy whatever because I want to. But, admittedly I stick to a pretty productive schedule because it feels natural to me. I write daily. I publish on Substack, I promote my children's books. Within all that, if there is an event I am anxious about, I remind myself it is my choice. There are a few things I want to do that I may just take off and do soon, but for the most part, just being free to create is enough.
Since I began reading your posts and looking at the booklet of the prompts for watching myself think like a crow I realized since retiring from 30+ years of teaching that I am still keeping a scorecard of my life. Egads, thanks for sharing your insights.
Reframe..... not refrain.
A couple of these points really hit home. "Tell yourself the truth.... and don't argue [rationalize] back!" Yep. One thing though that is so deeply ingrained I cannot shake........ that is that learning... noticing... being who I am.... is selfish. How can I refrain that?
Another oh-so pertinent article today Monica! 40 years in Banking trying to achieve sales targets and KPIs (key performance indicators in case that's an Aussie term). Then working in the husband's business and then running myself after he died, where customer reviews took the place of KPIs and the bottom line was the Holy Grail.
Then retirement and volunteering where the smiles from the aged care residents & gratitude and appreciation from management meant fulfilment.
And looking after a man who had once been a romantic partner but through ill health lost his job, having little financial knowledge having to help him navigate Social Security, helping him downsize to a smaller house and pay off debt, all the while silently giving myself points for usefulness and helpfulness.
But the volunteering ended abruptly when I apparently broke a golden rule by getting too close to a resident and the nasty new boss having me dismissed! And, once the "boyfriend" got a final good report card from his doctors, I let him down as gently as possible.
So now it's just me and the cats and a few coffee dates with friends.
So your article, has, once again, given me something to ponder upon in the vast, empty hours stretching out before me..........