Nothing Was Wrong Today. And That Felt Suspicious.
It was 16 degrees. I made soup. Nothing was urgent. And that's when I realized how exhausted everyone else is. A letter about permission, freedom, and tired people with good lighting.
It Was That Kind of Cold Today
Hey friend,
Do you remember when we were kids and it got so cold your nose hurt the second you stepped outside?
Not dramatic cold. Just that sharp, honest cold where you pull your coat tighter and think, yeah… this is real.
It was that kind of cold today.
The kind where soup isn’t a plan, it’s just what you do.
So I borrowed a crockpot from a friend and put chicken and vegetables in it. Just soup simmering while the day did whatever it was going to do.
And here’s the thing.
Nothing was wrong.
I know how strange that sounds. If you’re anything like me, a morning like that usually makes you suspicious. Like you’ve forgotten something. Like you should get ahead of whatever shoe is about to drop.
But today, nothing dropped.
The mail remained unopened, the do-list stayed unfinished. The voice in my head that usually keeps score apparently took a sick day.
I wasn’t fixing myself. I wasn’t being productive in any impressive way. I wasn’t doing anything that would photograph well.
I was just living.
And it felt quietly, deeply right.
Then I opened Substack.
And suddenly I could feel how different my day was from everyone else’s nervous system.
Message after message. Comment after comment. Women saying things like:
“I felt relief reading this.”
“I didn’t realize how tense I was.”
“This gave me permission.”
That word got me. Permission.
Because here’s the truth: grown women should not need permission to rest, breathe, or just exist without explaining themselves.
And yet… so many do.
Lately it feels like social media has decided we’re all projects.
Every scroll is another suggestion, correction, or improvement plan.
Eat this. Don’t feel that. Calm down. Hustle smarter. Heal faster.
We’re being managed from every direction—and I’m not convinced any of it is making us more at ease.
What to think. What to eat. How to age. How to breathe correctly. How to feel about politics, money, the holidays, our bodies, our lives.
And can I just say this out loud?
I don’t believe for one second that the people managing us via social media have it all figured out. I don’t think if we peeked behind their curtain we’d find a bunch of relaxed, fulfilled humans sipping tea in a state of permanent ease.
I think we’d find tired people with good lighting.
That’s the danger of listening too closely to gurus and influencers. Not because they’re bad people. But because they’re just as wound up as the rest of us.
They’re just louder about it.
So when someone lands in a space where nobody is correcting them or telling them how to be better, their body finally says, oh… thank god.
That’s what I felt echoing back at me today.
And it broke my heart a little.
Here’s what I know now.
Freedom within your spirit isn’t fireworks. It isn’t a big breakthrough. It isn’t finally “figuring it out.”
Freedom is when your body stops bracing.
I didn’t feel anxious today. And that’s how I knew how anxious so many people are right now.
Not because they’re weak. Not because they’re failing.
Because they’re tired.
So if you’re reading this and you feel tight, or keyed up, or like you’re doing life slightly wrong, I just want to sit here with you for a minute and say this:
You don’t need permission. Not from me. Not from anyone.
You’re allowed to breathe because you’re alive. That’s it. That’s the credential.
If it helps, notice where you’re holding yourself.
Jaw. Shoulders. Belly.
Ease it back just a notch. Not all the way. We’re not saints.
That’s enough for today.
Nothing was urgent here. But something was very clear.
A lot of us are exhausted. And we could all use a little less managing and a little more room to just be.
Love,
Monica
P.S If something stirred when you read this, I’ve gathered a small library of guides and resources to help steady the nervous system and reconnect you with yourself. Every one of them comes from my own lived experience. They’re short, practical, and there if you want them. https://bit.ly/4iVBD3s
If not, that’s fine too. Either way, you’re not behind.
P.P.S. If this landed, hit the heart. It helps other tired humans find this space where nothing urgent is required.
I’m offering 20% off annual subscriptions through December 31st.
Give it to yourself, or to a friend or family member who might appreciate a daily note
