you stop being useful to people who don't actually care about you… This sentence jumped out at me. J that I opened my heart to and that I thought was my friend, they called on me when she needed a favor but otherwise ditched me… It took me a long time to realize I was being schmoozed by an expert. When she finally realized I had exited her life I got a text, not a phone call you will notice. Saying oh where are you oh let's get together and have tea and catch up. Just as an experiment I responded back sure that sounds great just give me a time and place and I will be there, fully knowing I would never hear from her. And I didn't
Ditto the other writer she does workshops with who sent me a text saying, I want to get together and write I will send you a text. I almost responded back, no you won't🤣🤣🤣. But I didn't want to create karma. But I never heard back from her either. I think I'm a little slow on these things. But I'm finally looking at who actually puts energy in wanting to get together with me?
And I have learned to say no in a big way. It is serving me.
A friend (?) of many years opened a (costume) jewelry shop a while back. After a while though, her "Let's do lunch" really meant "Let me show you jewelry to purchase". Phone calls began to dwindle down to her descriptions of jewelry. A real friend wouldn't do that. Last month, she called issue she was having. I listened compassionately. Suddenly, she burst out, "You are my best friend." Instead of saying, "You are mine too", I said in a kind way, "You don't really mean that. It just seems that way right now." I would like to say she still calls, texts about family, things to do together, etc. But oops! This morning I received an email about a jewelry show she's having. LOL!
I understand. Ending this “friendship” has resulted in my rethinking what friendship means to me, both in having and being a friend. I do have at least one good friend, and maybe a few other friends, if I just give them a chance. I’ve been holding on too tight to who I used to be.
Having my days “organized by other people‘s needs” really struck a cord. For decades, I was proud that I was needed. It gave me a place in life. And in the last two years, I have started to feel resentful that my days are organized by other people‘s needs. This has been a long slow journey for me. But thank you for giving me another lens to look at my life.
I'm in that space in between. I no longer feel obligated and have turned away from organizations that made me feel needed on their terms. I am choosing what I want to do, what feels right for me. I don't need to prove my worth. For now, I am happy to go to yoga class and Book Club.
and about daughters, when I finally left her disrespectful and unkind father, I was so happy I could barely stand myself. My daughter was very unhappy with me over that, she said mom you're just so… So happy! 😊😊😊 oh yeah baby I was and I am
I'm laughing where you say your daughter said "Mom, what's happened to you? I want my old mom back." I said a version of this to my mom when she went away to school for a year (yes, she left us to go to school for a year) to become a nurse practitioner. She would come home on weekends, and one day I was just so upset and said I wanted my old mom back. I think I was scared of losing her, the mom that I knew. I was proud of what she was becoming and what she was doing for herself, but I still wanted the old mom.
What a juicy post you have made here! Lots of good questions to ask myself over the next many days to come.
I can see how you have come a long way into your self-truth independence over the years. Your insight, command of yourself and the gutfull way you pass it on to your subscribers knock my socks off! I cannot even imagine you as a Pollyanna! ♥️
I remember when I lived like that. I was so miserable. I was trying to live my life the way others made me think I was supposed to. I thought everyone was supposed to "fit in". Now I know it's me to break molds, not fit in them. I was living someone else's life. My life is now MINE. What a relief. I can relax & flow in MY path 💛💛💛
Monica, I've been lurking for months and just pulled the trigger to subscribe. Like so many I see here, I see myself and my life trajectory in your most refreshing posts of everyday truths. I am an 81 yo grandfather, twiced divorced. For the last 16 mos. redisovering myself has been my single path after leaving a toxic relationship. I would like to remain in your orbit if boyz are allowed?
...you allude to female perspective, which is why I am fond of your stuff. Getting older is the biggiest opportunity and blessing I have ever imagined. And the women drive 70% of the walkers! I get to choose. I just left a recommended 'senior independent living' apartment for a '55+' version. I left because it was Elderly Boot Camp, and I wasn't ready for that quite yet. It's still 70/30, but 15% walkers.
you stop being useful to people who don't actually care about you… This sentence jumped out at me. J that I opened my heart to and that I thought was my friend, they called on me when she needed a favor but otherwise ditched me… It took me a long time to realize I was being schmoozed by an expert. When she finally realized I had exited her life I got a text, not a phone call you will notice. Saying oh where are you oh let's get together and have tea and catch up. Just as an experiment I responded back sure that sounds great just give me a time and place and I will be there, fully knowing I would never hear from her. And I didn't
Ditto the other writer she does workshops with who sent me a text saying, I want to get together and write I will send you a text. I almost responded back, no you won't🤣🤣🤣. But I didn't want to create karma. But I never heard back from her either. I think I'm a little slow on these things. But I'm finally looking at who actually puts energy in wanting to get together with me?
And I have learned to say no in a big way. It is serving me.
A friend (?) of many years opened a (costume) jewelry shop a while back. After a while though, her "Let's do lunch" really meant "Let me show you jewelry to purchase". Phone calls began to dwindle down to her descriptions of jewelry. A real friend wouldn't do that. Last month, she called issue she was having. I listened compassionately. Suddenly, she burst out, "You are my best friend." Instead of saying, "You are mine too", I said in a kind way, "You don't really mean that. It just seems that way right now." I would like to say she still calls, texts about family, things to do together, etc. But oops! This morning I received an email about a jewelry show she's having. LOL!
I understand. Ending this “friendship” has resulted in my rethinking what friendship means to me, both in having and being a friend. I do have at least one good friend, and maybe a few other friends, if I just give them a chance. I’ve been holding on too tight to who I used to be.
Having my days “organized by other people‘s needs” really struck a cord. For decades, I was proud that I was needed. It gave me a place in life. And in the last two years, I have started to feel resentful that my days are organized by other people‘s needs. This has been a long slow journey for me. But thank you for giving me another lens to look at my life.
This is wonderful and I see a lot of my old self in it. Thank you!
I'm in that space in between. I no longer feel obligated and have turned away from organizations that made me feel needed on their terms. I am choosing what I want to do, what feels right for me. I don't need to prove my worth. For now, I am happy to go to yoga class and Book Club.
and about daughters, when I finally left her disrespectful and unkind father, I was so happy I could barely stand myself. My daughter was very unhappy with me over that, she said mom you're just so… So happy! 😊😊😊 oh yeah baby I was and I am
I'm laughing where you say your daughter said "Mom, what's happened to you? I want my old mom back." I said a version of this to my mom when she went away to school for a year (yes, she left us to go to school for a year) to become a nurse practitioner. She would come home on weekends, and one day I was just so upset and said I wanted my old mom back. I think I was scared of losing her, the mom that I knew. I was proud of what she was becoming and what she was doing for herself, but I still wanted the old mom.
What a juicy post you have made here! Lots of good questions to ask myself over the next many days to come.
I can see how you have come a long way into your self-truth independence over the years. Your insight, command of yourself and the gutfull way you pass it on to your subscribers knock my socks off! I cannot even imagine you as a Pollyanna! ♥️
Hi Monica. This post shows February 7th as the last date to get 20% off the annual subscription price. Is this correct?
oh frig. I meant to delete that. the 20% off is currently available and includes a free copy of my BREAKTHROUGH Guide.
Thank you.
Very thought provoking.
💞
I remember when I lived like that. I was so miserable. I was trying to live my life the way others made me think I was supposed to. I thought everyone was supposed to "fit in". Now I know it's me to break molds, not fit in them. I was living someone else's life. My life is now MINE. What a relief. I can relax & flow in MY path 💛💛💛
Monica, I've been lurking for months and just pulled the trigger to subscribe. Like so many I see here, I see myself and my life trajectory in your most refreshing posts of everyday truths. I am an 81 yo grandfather, twiced divorced. For the last 16 mos. redisovering myself has been my single path after leaving a toxic relationship. I would like to remain in your orbit if boyz are allowed?
Of course you are welcomed! I am sure you are aware I write from a female perspective and yet, you subscribed. I am glad my essays connect with you.
...you allude to female perspective, which is why I am fond of your stuff. Getting older is the biggiest opportunity and blessing I have ever imagined. And the women drive 70% of the walkers! I get to choose. I just left a recommended 'senior independent living' apartment for a '55+' version. I left because it was Elderly Boot Camp, and I wasn't ready for that quite yet. It's still 70/30, but 15% walkers.