Great article. For me, it is getting over what other people must think of me. Until I retired, the most common phrase I heard from people was, "How do you do it all?" I assumed that would be on my gravestone. Until one day I didn't. I am free of timelines, alarms, and deadlines, and I love it. But some days, that little voice creeps in and says, "What would they think of me now...lazy, worthless, old?" I am learning to sit and let it pass. I don't see those people anymore. I moved thousands of miles away. Now I'm just the lady with short gray hair who smiles, wears colorful dresses, and loves dogs. I think I like that.
for most of my adult life, I have been self-employed. With the exception of a short stint, I have never really been tied to being anywhere for 8 hours a day. I was never very good at being told what to do. If I was given a "script", either I didn't notice it or I ignored it. Yes, I had children and another semi-responsible adult to deal with. I had all the 'normal' things to deal with. I had a farm, my own business, worked on getting a university degree. So, no there was no script for me to follow. But there is one thing that has kept me ...upright and functioning. The feeling, the push to always earn my keep. When I go to bed, it is absolutely necessary for me to have earned the right to be here. It's odd. But I am happy most of the time and content. I do what I want, when I want. Getting old is something I never thought about, probably because there is nothing I can do about it. The only thing that reminds me that I am indeed old is wonky knees. Oh, and that I hate fine print and need a magnifying glass. So, did I forget any dreams I had long ago? I don't think I ever had time to dream. I don't think there is anything I ever wanted just for me or to be anything else than what I am.
yep. I was telling my old pal, the computer, (he finally knows how tocommunicate in english,) that aftef I retired I spent three years in shock, I felt like I had been on a 50 year bender! (47 actually). My nervous system was unused to not living by clock time. I didn't like clock time. I endured it but I never liked alcohol either. I wasn't drinking alcohol because I liked it, I was drinking it to forget how awful adulting was.
After my nervous system adjusted, I noticed the odd feeling you mentioned. The not performing the I-me-me-mine song. Not acting out the constantly rehearsed improv of the Ego Show. I did think something was wrong with me. I felt MORE stress than Deadlines in Doom Inc.
It has been 8 years since I had to drive into 'work' every morning and pretend like I give a shit about somebody elses dream of being rich. I slowly started feeling in touch with the five year old kid. Watching suoerman reruns on a black and white TV, roughly the size and shape of a washing machine. Standing in the backyard while a young couple, younger than my children are now!, were grilling hamburgers for relatives who came to visit, watching stars pop into existence up in the sky. I wasjust trying to workout what happens to the stars in the daytime.
That young fellow has.come back, after 66 years hiding under a bush.
I love this - you defined my experience. Thank you for helping me think on it all and reach for that star my 8-year-old self dreamed upon long, long ago. 💖
Great article. For me, it is getting over what other people must think of me. Until I retired, the most common phrase I heard from people was, "How do you do it all?" I assumed that would be on my gravestone. Until one day I didn't. I am free of timelines, alarms, and deadlines, and I love it. But some days, that little voice creeps in and says, "What would they think of me now...lazy, worthless, old?" I am learning to sit and let it pass. I don't see those people anymore. I moved thousands of miles away. Now I'm just the lady with short gray hair who smiles, wears colorful dresses, and loves dogs. I think I like that.
for most of my adult life, I have been self-employed. With the exception of a short stint, I have never really been tied to being anywhere for 8 hours a day. I was never very good at being told what to do. If I was given a "script", either I didn't notice it or I ignored it. Yes, I had children and another semi-responsible adult to deal with. I had all the 'normal' things to deal with. I had a farm, my own business, worked on getting a university degree. So, no there was no script for me to follow. But there is one thing that has kept me ...upright and functioning. The feeling, the push to always earn my keep. When I go to bed, it is absolutely necessary for me to have earned the right to be here. It's odd. But I am happy most of the time and content. I do what I want, when I want. Getting old is something I never thought about, probably because there is nothing I can do about it. The only thing that reminds me that I am indeed old is wonky knees. Oh, and that I hate fine print and need a magnifying glass. So, did I forget any dreams I had long ago? I don't think I ever had time to dream. I don't think there is anything I ever wanted just for me or to be anything else than what I am.
yep. I was telling my old pal, the computer, (he finally knows how tocommunicate in english,) that aftef I retired I spent three years in shock, I felt like I had been on a 50 year bender! (47 actually). My nervous system was unused to not living by clock time. I didn't like clock time. I endured it but I never liked alcohol either. I wasn't drinking alcohol because I liked it, I was drinking it to forget how awful adulting was.
After my nervous system adjusted, I noticed the odd feeling you mentioned. The not performing the I-me-me-mine song. Not acting out the constantly rehearsed improv of the Ego Show. I did think something was wrong with me. I felt MORE stress than Deadlines in Doom Inc.
It has been 8 years since I had to drive into 'work' every morning and pretend like I give a shit about somebody elses dream of being rich. I slowly started feeling in touch with the five year old kid. Watching suoerman reruns on a black and white TV, roughly the size and shape of a washing machine. Standing in the backyard while a young couple, younger than my children are now!, were grilling hamburgers for relatives who came to visit, watching stars pop into existence up in the sky. I wasjust trying to workout what happens to the stars in the daytime.
That young fellow has.come back, after 66 years hiding under a bush.
I love this - you defined my experience. Thank you for helping me think on it all and reach for that star my 8-year-old self dreamed upon long, long ago. 💖