It’s two o’clock in the afternoon. There’s a basket of laundry sitting in the bedroom, a few dishes in the sink, and the bed hasn’t been made. You’re sitting in your favorite chair, thinking how wonderful it would feel to crawl under the covers and take a nice long nap.
But there’s that little voice in your head reminding you of all the things you haven’t done today.
And here’s the ridiculous part. You’re retired. Nobody’s coming home expecting dinner. Nobody’s checking whether you’ve vacuumed. There’s not a damn thing wrong with taking a nap, but somehow you still feel like you ought to earn it.
Well, sit tight, I have news for you.
There are some mighty fine advantages to being an old lady, and I intend to enjoy every last one of them.
A few months ago, somebody referred to me as an “ol lady,” and I was downright offended. I didn’t say much at the time, but later that day I found myself thinking about those two little words.
An old lady? ME?
I’ll have you know there’s still a young woman living inside this 71-year-old body, and she isn’t particularly interested in going quietly into the sunset.
But after I finished being indignant, a rather delicious question occurred to me.
What can I do today that I wouldn’t have dared do when I was 30?
Oh, Lord. Where do I begin?
For starters, I can take the entire damn day off whenever I want.
I don’t need a vacation request, a doctor’s excuse, or a legitimate reason. I can wake up on a perfectly beautiful Wednesday morning, look at everything I had planned, and decide I’d rather spend the day watching television in my pajamas.
And that’s exactly what I did yesterday.
I had writing to do. I had things I wanted to accomplish. I even considered getting dressed and going outside to enjoy the beautiful weather.
Instead, I found a television show I liked, settled into my chair, and decided the rest of the world could get along without me for a few hours.
Imagine that!
Then there are my afternoon naps. Oh, how I love my naps.
Not those pitiful little 20-minute power naps the productivity experts recommend so you can get up and accomplish another 27 things before dinner.
I’m talking about long, luxurious, shameless naps, surrounded by pillows, with absolutely no intention of setting an alarm.
The kind where you wake up, look at the clock, and think, “Well, wasn’t that lovely?”
But my favorite newfound freedom might be my relationship with the laundry.
For most of my adult life, a basket of dirty clothes represented a responsibility. Something that needed attention. Something that good wives, good mothers, and respectable women were supposed to take care of.
Now?
That basket can sit there until I’m damn good and ready to deal with it.
The laundry doesn’t have feelings. It isn’t disappointed in me. It won’t call my mother and complain that I’ve become a disgrace to the family.
It’s laundry, for heaven’s sake.
And yet, I wonder how many of us still walk around our homes feeling guilty about things that nobody is asking us to do.
We spent decades keeping schedules, meeting expectations, cooking meals, cleaning houses, showing up on time, and making sure everybody else had what they needed. Even when we were exhausted, there was usually somebody or something that required our attention.
And we got awfully good at it.
So good, in fact, that when we finally have the freedom to do as we please, we sometimes don’t know what the hell to do with ourselves.
We look for something that needs doing. Then we proceed to make lists.( this is one habit I stopped and hold no regrets). Then those pesky obligations begin to play peek a boo with us, causing us to vaguely uncomfortable when the afternoon stretches out in front of us with absolutely nothing demanding our attention.
It’s not your fault, it’s simply how a whole generations was trained: good day is a productive day.
Now in retirment we get to choose how we define a good day, the ol rules be damned!
For instance, a good day can also be one in which I accomplish absolutely nothing and enjoy every minute of it.
And that’s only the beginning.
I can wear my silver hair all the way down my back, regardless of what anyone thinks a woman my age ought to look like. I can stay up half the night because I’m enjoying myself. I can change my mind about something without preparing a defense worthy of a courtroom attorney.
I can eat breakfast for dinner, wear the same comfortable clothes two days in a row, and decline an invitation simply because I’d rather stay home.
And I certainly don’t have to spend my remaining years trying to convince the world that I’m still useful.
Good grief. Haven’t we been useful long enough?
Now, I’m not suggesting that getting older is one long glorious vacation. Bodies change, circumstances change, and some women are still carrying responsibilities they never expected to have at this stage of life.
But I do think we’ve been so thoroughly bombarded with everything we’re supposedly losing as we age that we haven’t spent nearly enough time celebrating what we’re gaining.
And one of those things is the opportunity to finally get acquainted with the woman we’ve been putting off for decades.
Remember her?
The girl who wanted to have adventures. The young woman who had opinions she didn’t always dare express. The one who wanted to try things, go places, make a little mischief, and sometimes do absolutely nothing without having to explain herself.
She’s still in there.
And I suspect she’d be delighted to discover that the woman you’ve become finally has a little more say in how she spends her days.
Perhaps she wants to paint, travel or dance around the kitchen in her underwear while singing along to a song she hasn’t heard in 40 years.Or sitting in the sunshine with a cup of coffee and watch the clouds.
The beauty of it is that she gets to choose.
So I’ve reconsidered my reaction to being called an old lady.
If being an old lady means I can finally stop living according to everybody else’s expectations, perhaps the joke really is on them.
Because while the world is busy telling us how to age gracefully, I’m over here discovering just how much fun it can be to age disgracefully.
And if you’ll excuse me, I believe there’s a perfectly good afternoon waiting to be enjoyed.
The laundry can wait.
Now I want to hear from you. What’s something you absolutely LOVE being able to do at your age that you wouldn’t have dared do when you were younger?
I have a feeling we’re going to have a wonderful time with these answers.
A Little Invitation
If you enjoyed this conversation, there’s a whole lot more where it came from at The Daily RE-Wire.
I write for women over 60 who have spent much of their lives taking care of everyone else and are finally asking themselves what THEY want.
Every Tuesday evening, my paid subscribers and I get together for the BreakthroughCircle , where we talk about the real-life questions that come with having the freedom to choose for ourselves, especially when we’re still learning how to trust those choices.
You don’t have to have anything figured out before you join us. That’s part of the fun of discovering it together.
Come join us as a paid member of The Daily RE-Wire. We’re not done yet!
With love,
Monica
Cheers! Another enjoyable perk is playing the part of that old lady they think I am. I especially enjoy showing off my cranky side.🤭