The Day I Left With Two Dogs and No Plan

It took me almost 20 years to learn what I wish I’d known on that drive to D.C.: intention comes before purpose.

With no plans other than to escape, I drove away to D.C.

The day after I found my second husband in bed with another woman, I put my two dogs in the car, packed a couple of changes of clothes, and drove from New York City to my daughter’s house in D.C. I had a few hundred dollars in cash and no plan beyond leaving. I didn’t know where I would live or what I would do next. I knew only that I could no longer live with him.

The woman was 20 years older than he was. The irony has not escaped me that I am now the age she was then. At the time, her age was one more bewildering detail in a day that had already turned my life upside down. I believed he was interested in her money. She had been a Ford model and had done well for herself. Whatever drew him to her, I was done trying to build a life with a man I could no longer trust.

I wish I could sit beside the woman I was on that drive and tell her she didn’t have to know her next purpose. She needed a place to land. Then, when she could breathe again, she could begin asking what kind of life she intended to have.

That is a question I have learned to take seriously. You can write an intention without knowing how you will fulfill it. You can name how you want to feel and who you want to become, then pay attention as you move through your days. Notice the conversation that stays with you, the place you want to return to, the work that makes you lose track of time. Those small sparks give you something real to follow. I believe the universe meets us in that attention, often through people and circumstances we could never have planned.

It took me almost 20 years to understand this well enough to live it. Writing on Substack was never a purpose I set out to find. I began paying attention to what felt alive in me, and writing found its way into my life. Now it is part of what gives my days meaning.

I would give anything to sit down with a roomful of women facing a divorce, a retirement, a loss, or any change that has left them wondering what comes next. I would tell them what I wish someone had told me: when you are ready, write down your intention. Let it describe a life you would recognize as your own. Then keep your eyes open for what draws you toward it.

I can’t go back and tell the woman in that car. So I’m telling you.

Tomorrow, I’m sending my full article, Intention Before Purpose, to my five-star subscribers. If you’re standing at a crossroads and have no idea what comes next, I hope you’ll read it. You don’t have to figure out your purpose before you take the next step.