My 29 year old son died 6 years ago. I’ve read these comments and have thought that this may be what is happening to me - 12 years of emergencies of chronic disease with him - and at his death I was suddenly cut free of the worry and dread and adrenaline of having a seriously ill child with almost
weekly emergencies. I felt like my umbilical cord to a space ship was cut and I was left floating in space. 6 years later I haven’t really moved forward with the “reinventing” of myself…am I on hold? Am I rebooting? Am I resting before the next becoming? Do I find a hobby? Do I live
for just me? ( still have a hub). I’m 68 - I’m just not sure what’s going on. Maybe I am on hold - my body resting from all the trauma. I just don’t know.
Thank you Monica. Yeah I’m floating around in some kind of outer space … def alien space. You remind me not to panic, to wait the reboot and just enjoy the float. Love the blue white flowers … x
I hear you. That outer-space feeling is real. It’s like the old gravity disappears and you haven’t quite grown the new grounding yet. I’ve had moments where I thought something was wrong simply because nothing was pulling at me anymore.
You’re not lost. You’re just in the middle of the reboot, and it has its own strange quiet. Panic is the old system trying to wake itself back up.
Let yourself float a little. Let the new rhythm find you.
And thank you about the morning glories. They’re teaching me more than I expected.
Thank you for this. I am 71, still running on empty. But in the past few months the pull has felt different. The question"why" keeps popping up. I am motivated in a different way. My work begs to be quieter, more watcher than doer. But I need to keep doing so I am looking for ways to recognize the moments instead of chasing them. What you wrote struck a chord.
So good. And I am just on the other side of this. I thought that was it. I was so used to being 100% busy. Now, just doing what I want and still its a lot because now I can see how much I love doing that is not work or drama. Very clear and fun. Thank you.
I have found myself in the middle of this transition, and I don’t know what’s happening or if I like it. but for the first time in my life, I’m not arguing. maybe I need this time out. only time will tell…
I hear you. This kind of transition doesn’t announce itself with clarity or comfort. It just shows up one day and the old reactions you’ve lived on your whole life don’t fire anymore. That alone can feel unsettling.
Not arguing is a big sign, by the way. It means the old defensive wiring is losing its grip. It’s not weakness. It’s not giving up. It’s the system powering down because it no longer needs to protect you in the same way.
You don’t have to like it yet. Most of us don’t at first. But needing a time out is not a failure or a backslide. It’s often the body saying… enough. Let me recalibrate.
You’re not doing anything wrong.
You’re in the middle of becoming someone you’ve never been before.
Time will tell, yes — but your soul already knows.
I could not have read your post on a better day! My background is different from yours, but I lived a hustle and bustle life. At 80-1/2, I am slowing down, and truly don't know how I feel about it. Thank you .
Oh I’m so glad it met you on the right day. And 80½ is no small milestone. Slowing down after a lifetime of hustle isn’t simple — it asks you to meet yourself in a whole new way.
What I wrote about wasn’t just easing off the gas. It felt like the entire nervous system I lived on for decades finally laid itself to rest. That kind of shift can feel confusing, even unsettling, no matter our age.
Thank you for sharing where you are. There’s a lot of courage in admitting you’re in unfamiliar territory, even now. We’re both learning how to live without the old pace, without the old pressure. You’re not alone in that.
It makes total sense that the quiet feels strange. When you’ve lived through years of fire and rebuilding, stillness doesn’t register as safety at first. What you’re calling a shutdown is really the space between versions. The old system is done and the new one hasn’t introduced itself yet.
You’re not losing momentum. You’re learning how to live without crisis as fuel. That’s the real shift.
You nailed it. The quiet used to mean danger to me, so of course my system doesn’t know how to read stillness as safety yet. I can feel that space between versions you’re describing. It’s strange, but it’s also promising. I’m learning how to move without adrenaline running the show, and that’s a whole new life opening up. Thank you for seeing it so clearly.
When our daughters left the nest, I felt I had lost my identity as a mom. When we sold our business, I felt like I had lost my identity. I am looking for a new one, but at the moment, I have no idea, no purpose, no pressure. I feel so guilty when I sit in my recliner in the middle of the afternoon and read a book. You expressed in this well-written, thoughtful article my thoughts too. Thank you. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don't. It's comforting to know other folks have this feeling too.
Oh I feel that. Disorienting is the perfect word for it. There are moments when I realize I am just sitting, breathing, looking out the window… and nothing in me is trying to rehearse an argument or defend my existence. It feels strange because stillness was never the operating system we were handed.
What you described is exactly what I am living. Not zoning out. Not checking out. Just existing without the old tension running the show.
And yes, your OS is getting updated. Mine too. It feels like someone turned off the old circuitry and the silence is so profound it takes a minute to trust it.
My 29 year old son died 6 years ago. I’ve read these comments and have thought that this may be what is happening to me - 12 years of emergencies of chronic disease with him - and at his death I was suddenly cut free of the worry and dread and adrenaline of having a seriously ill child with almost
weekly emergencies. I felt like my umbilical cord to a space ship was cut and I was left floating in space. 6 years later I haven’t really moved forward with the “reinventing” of myself…am I on hold? Am I rebooting? Am I resting before the next becoming? Do I find a hobby? Do I live
for just me? ( still have a hub). I’m 68 - I’m just not sure what’s going on. Maybe I am on hold - my body resting from all the trauma. I just don’t know.
Wow, love this line: "...It feels like walking around in a life I finally earned… but don’t quite know how to inhabit yet."
Feel like I relate beyond measure to it. I enjoy (& appreciate) your posts so much, Monica. Thank you.
Thank you Monica. Yeah I’m floating around in some kind of outer space … def alien space. You remind me not to panic, to wait the reboot and just enjoy the float. Love the blue white flowers … x
I hear you. That outer-space feeling is real. It’s like the old gravity disappears and you haven’t quite grown the new grounding yet. I’ve had moments where I thought something was wrong simply because nothing was pulling at me anymore.
You’re not lost. You’re just in the middle of the reboot, and it has its own strange quiet. Panic is the old system trying to wake itself back up.
Let yourself float a little. Let the new rhythm find you.
And thank you about the morning glories. They’re teaching me more than I expected.
right now it feels like I'm switching randomly between the two Thanks for the image of the new OS rebooting :-)
Thank you for this. I am 71, still running on empty. But in the past few months the pull has felt different. The question"why" keeps popping up. I am motivated in a different way. My work begs to be quieter, more watcher than doer. But I need to keep doing so I am looking for ways to recognize the moments instead of chasing them. What you wrote struck a chord.
So good. And I am just on the other side of this. I thought that was it. I was so used to being 100% busy. Now, just doing what I want and still its a lot because now I can see how much I love doing that is not work or drama. Very clear and fun. Thank you.
Yes, I have found that becoming myself, or re-finding myself, feels like stillness. And it gives me a sense of sustained contentment.
I have found myself in the middle of this transition, and I don’t know what’s happening or if I like it. but for the first time in my life, I’m not arguing. maybe I need this time out. only time will tell…
I hear you. This kind of transition doesn’t announce itself with clarity or comfort. It just shows up one day and the old reactions you’ve lived on your whole life don’t fire anymore. That alone can feel unsettling.
Not arguing is a big sign, by the way. It means the old defensive wiring is losing its grip. It’s not weakness. It’s not giving up. It’s the system powering down because it no longer needs to protect you in the same way.
You don’t have to like it yet. Most of us don’t at first. But needing a time out is not a failure or a backslide. It’s often the body saying… enough. Let me recalibrate.
You’re not doing anything wrong.
You’re in the middle of becoming someone you’ve never been before.
Time will tell, yes — but your soul already knows.
thanks for getting in touch, Monica… means a lot…
I could not have read your post on a better day! My background is different from yours, but I lived a hustle and bustle life. At 80-1/2, I am slowing down, and truly don't know how I feel about it. Thank you .
Oh I’m so glad it met you on the right day. And 80½ is no small milestone. Slowing down after a lifetime of hustle isn’t simple — it asks you to meet yourself in a whole new way.
What I wrote about wasn’t just easing off the gas. It felt like the entire nervous system I lived on for decades finally laid itself to rest. That kind of shift can feel confusing, even unsettling, no matter our age.
Thank you for sharing where you are. There’s a lot of courage in admitting you’re in unfamiliar territory, even now. We’re both learning how to live without the old pace, without the old pressure. You’re not alone in that.
this was brilliant! I feel like I have been in the process of getting a new OS for 4 years. Some processes for me take time........
It makes total sense that the quiet feels strange. When you’ve lived through years of fire and rebuilding, stillness doesn’t register as safety at first. What you’re calling a shutdown is really the space between versions. The old system is done and the new one hasn’t introduced itself yet.
You’re not losing momentum. You’re learning how to live without crisis as fuel. That’s the real shift.
You nailed it. The quiet used to mean danger to me, so of course my system doesn’t know how to read stillness as safety yet. I can feel that space between versions you’re describing. It’s strange, but it’s also promising. I’m learning how to move without adrenaline running the show, and that’s a whole new life opening up. Thank you for seeing it so clearly.
Thank you. I’m definitely feeling this a lot lately myself.
Thank you back
Most welcome.
When our daughters left the nest, I felt I had lost my identity as a mom. When we sold our business, I felt like I had lost my identity. I am looking for a new one, but at the moment, I have no idea, no purpose, no pressure. I feel so guilty when I sit in my recliner in the middle of the afternoon and read a book. You expressed in this well-written, thoughtful article my thoughts too. Thank you. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don't. It's comforting to know other folks have this feeling too.
Oh I feel that. Disorienting is the perfect word for it. There are moments when I realize I am just sitting, breathing, looking out the window… and nothing in me is trying to rehearse an argument or defend my existence. It feels strange because stillness was never the operating system we were handed.
What you described is exactly what I am living. Not zoning out. Not checking out. Just existing without the old tension running the show.
And yes, your OS is getting updated. Mine too. It feels like someone turned off the old circuitry and the silence is so profound it takes a minute to trust it.
But this is the new life.
Just now.
Just being.
No apology needed.
Thank you for saying it out loud.