“I had a dream, but I had children. I had a gift, but I had a marriage. I had a longing, but I had bills. I had an idea, but I had parents to care for. I had a self, but I had a role to perform.”
I love your crisp, clear voice. This paragraph spoke directly to me. Thank you.
Thank you for your encouragement to so many of us. I find my biggest obstacles are within myself, not “out there” any more. I have been writing a journal since 1967 so it’s not that I don’t know what my dreams have been if I could get past my own resistance to change. I have accomplished a great deal but still have trouble cleaning up my space. I have not figured how to post on Substack, only to reply to others. I wanted to read the other comments but ran into a message that they were “not in the right format” which I interpreted as, “you didn’t pay for a subscription”, but why doesn’t it say that if that’s the case? Your Tuesday group sounds interesting but I am already doing too much, that is an example of putting up obstacles before even getting to a door I might want to open. Anyway, keep up the good work.
I resonated with several elements in this post, Monica.
When I was a little girl in elementary school and was asked “what” (not who) I wanted to be when I grew up, I had the answers that a small female in the suburbs of Philly in the 1950s had models for, and I either said “a nurse” or “a teacher.” Later, in my 20s and 30s in NYC, my dream was to be a successful classical and opera singer.
My first husband pushed me into a career making other people famous while starting my singing career with my left hand. I did PR and managed concerts for other classical musicians and organizations. While he started his later-successful writing career, I supported us. When the marriage ended, I took a job doing publicity at one of the big three TV networks’ entertainment divisions. That year leveraged me into visibility and a better salary as PR director of a liberal arts college.
All of these were detours, in my mind at the time, for the career I really wanted.
But in the music world, it’s not just what you know and can do, it’s who you know, and I made wonderful contacts and met a life-changing mentor. And helping other musicians with their success, I learned how to promote myself, too—plus developed enough industry know-how that later, in my 40s, I could executive-produce my own two CDs for commercial labels. On them, I was the soloist, working with the composers on their music that I sang. Everybody won. While helping to make the college more famous— which I did!— I had completed my long-dormant BA degree, and left the job with that credential to go forward into the world when, at 40, I was finally able to let go of making other people famous for a paycheck. It all turned out to be invaluable experience.
But about those original dreams as a child: I knew something then; I wasn’t just parroting grown-up female models I was given. Along the way I became a voice teacher as well as a performer, and I have become a healer for and with others—with sound. Plus, although I chafed during the roughly 18-year detour my life seemed to be on, deferring my own dreams (nod to Lorraine Hansberry there), I learned that nothing is wasted.
I’ll write my own “Spreading Joy” post about this, while I’m at it. Maybe later today. It seems I have something to say on this subject, since my reply to you has gone on for a while. So thanks for the inspiration for that, too. 💐
Very nice to meet you and thank you for sharing your story. I dare say there are million of us with similar experiences and are now - at last - taking the reigns of their own life and actually living their true dreams or desires. My singular purpose for my stack is to help other see the potential for their future a a retired person by showing the value in reclaiming their dreams.
“I had a dream, but I had children. I had a gift, but I had a marriage. I had a longing, but I had bills. I had an idea, but I had parents to care for. I had a self, but I had a role to perform.”
I love your crisp, clear voice. This paragraph spoke directly to me. Thank you.
Thank you for your encouragement to so many of us. I find my biggest obstacles are within myself, not “out there” any more. I have been writing a journal since 1967 so it’s not that I don’t know what my dreams have been if I could get past my own resistance to change. I have accomplished a great deal but still have trouble cleaning up my space. I have not figured how to post on Substack, only to reply to others. I wanted to read the other comments but ran into a message that they were “not in the right format” which I interpreted as, “you didn’t pay for a subscription”, but why doesn’t it say that if that’s the case? Your Tuesday group sounds interesting but I am already doing too much, that is an example of putting up obstacles before even getting to a door I might want to open. Anyway, keep up the good work.
I'm living my dream 🙏🏼🏹✨. And I love all your beautiful, thought provoking writing. Thank you so much Monica for who you are and all you do 💖.
What catches your eye when nothing is required of you.
Thank you for the awareness that this stirs💕🌹
I resonated with several elements in this post, Monica.
When I was a little girl in elementary school and was asked “what” (not who) I wanted to be when I grew up, I had the answers that a small female in the suburbs of Philly in the 1950s had models for, and I either said “a nurse” or “a teacher.” Later, in my 20s and 30s in NYC, my dream was to be a successful classical and opera singer.
My first husband pushed me into a career making other people famous while starting my singing career with my left hand. I did PR and managed concerts for other classical musicians and organizations. While he started his later-successful writing career, I supported us. When the marriage ended, I took a job doing publicity at one of the big three TV networks’ entertainment divisions. That year leveraged me into visibility and a better salary as PR director of a liberal arts college.
All of these were detours, in my mind at the time, for the career I really wanted.
But in the music world, it’s not just what you know and can do, it’s who you know, and I made wonderful contacts and met a life-changing mentor. And helping other musicians with their success, I learned how to promote myself, too—plus developed enough industry know-how that later, in my 40s, I could executive-produce my own two CDs for commercial labels. On them, I was the soloist, working with the composers on their music that I sang. Everybody won. While helping to make the college more famous— which I did!— I had completed my long-dormant BA degree, and left the job with that credential to go forward into the world when, at 40, I was finally able to let go of making other people famous for a paycheck. It all turned out to be invaluable experience.
But about those original dreams as a child: I knew something then; I wasn’t just parroting grown-up female models I was given. Along the way I became a voice teacher as well as a performer, and I have become a healer for and with others—with sound. Plus, although I chafed during the roughly 18-year detour my life seemed to be on, deferring my own dreams (nod to Lorraine Hansberry there), I learned that nothing is wasted.
I’ll write my own “Spreading Joy” post about this, while I’m at it. Maybe later today. It seems I have something to say on this subject, since my reply to you has gone on for a while. So thanks for the inspiration for that, too. 💐
Very nice to meet you and thank you for sharing your story. I dare say there are million of us with similar experiences and are now - at last - taking the reigns of their own life and actually living their true dreams or desires. My singular purpose for my stack is to help other see the potential for their future a a retired person by showing the value in reclaiming their dreams.