“I had a dream, but I had children. I had a gift, but I had a marriage. I had a longing, but I had bills. I had an idea, but I had parents to care for. I had a self, but I had a role to perform.”
I love your crisp, clear voice. This paragraph spoke directly to me. Thank you.
I like the idea that the old dream does not always come back in its original form. Sometimes it comes back as a feeling you notice for five seconds, or something you keep thinking about at 5 a.m., or one small thing that makes you feel awake again. That feels less like chasing a dream and more like recognizing yourself.
Sometimes the dream doesn’t come back wearing the same outfit it wore when we were younger.
It may come back as a feeling. A restlessness. A little flash of recognition. A strange pull toward something we thought we had outgrown.
And I love what you said about “recognizing yourself.” I think that this is the real opportunity of this season. Not inventing a brand-new woman from scratch, but noticing the one who has been quietly trying to get our attention all along.
Oh my gosh Monica I think you are inside my head! I have inklings of the future I wonder about. Right now there are a few big obstacles. But now I am trusting myself to be capable of handling them on my own. I will always be a caregiver for my adult disabled son but that still leaves room for wondering and doing. 😊🙏
I’m 73, had a rewarding career as an educator, then took care of my husband who had dementia, then took care of my grandson until he started school, then lived quietly with my two dogs and four cats. They are getting old now and three of the cats have died. I’m looking forward to having more time just for me while not regretting any of my past experiences. I have no big dreams now, just looking forward to time with my family and my friends and moving to a smaller home. Still learning, I have so many books still to read, many more songs to sing. And I look forward to resting whenever I want to.
I appreciate the simplicity of your recommendation to just notice how you feel when you allow yourself to be curious, feel a spark, or remember a dream. And reframe experience so past “failures” are breadcrumbs. Simple but powerful. I have also been allowing myself to notice things that don’t feel quite right. Things I’ve done out of habit that make me feel dull or shut down. Things that I can stop doing and replace with something that lifts my spirit. These actions help me feel happy and powerful.
Thank you for your encouragement to so many of us. I find my biggest obstacles are within myself, not “out there” any more. I have been writing a journal since 1967 so it’s not that I don’t know what my dreams have been if I could get past my own resistance to change. I have accomplished a great deal but still have trouble cleaning up my space. I have not figured how to post on Substack, only to reply to others. I wanted to read the other comments but ran into a message that they were “not in the right format” which I interpreted as, “you didn’t pay for a subscription”, but why doesn’t it say that if that’s the case? Your Tuesday group sounds interesting but I am already doing too much, that is an example of putting up obstacles before even getting to a door I might want to open. Anyway, keep up the good work.
I just finished reading this after the invitation and participation in your breakthrough call on this. The call was profound, inspiring, enlightening and soul feeding
The article has me teared up. So much in our lives happens that we have been taught to push aside. We weren’t encouraged to follow the thread, be curious about the breadcrumbs and patterns, the nudges, the voices in our hearts.
As I read I imagined a mindmap… take failure #1…. Where did it lead… what did it inspire, how is it related to who you are today, what your soul is yearning for now?
There is gold in those threads and the notches life offered.
Thank you, bless you for the pulse and curiosity that drives you and how you share it to bring out curiosity in others
I resonated with several elements in this post, Monica.
When I was a little girl in elementary school and was asked “what” (not who) I wanted to be when I grew up, I had the answers that a small female in the suburbs of Philly in the 1950s had models for, and I either said “a nurse” or “a teacher.” Later, in my 20s and 30s in NYC, my dream was to be a successful classical and opera singer.
My first husband pushed me into a career making other people famous while starting my singing career with my left hand. I did PR and managed concerts for other classical musicians and organizations. While he started his later-successful writing career, I supported us. When the marriage ended, I took a job doing publicity at one of the big three TV networks’ entertainment divisions. That year leveraged me into visibility and a better salary as PR director of a liberal arts college.
All of these were detours, in my mind at the time, for the career I really wanted.
But in the music world, it’s not just what you know and can do, it’s who you know, and I made wonderful contacts and met a life-changing mentor. And helping other musicians with their success, I learned how to promote myself, too—plus developed enough industry know-how that later, in my 40s, I could executive-produce my own two CDs for commercial labels. On them, I was the soloist, working with the composers on their music that I sang. Everybody won. While helping to make the college more famous— which I did!— I had completed my long-dormant BA degree, and left the job with that credential to go forward into the world when, at 40, I was finally able to let go of making other people famous for a paycheck. It all turned out to be invaluable experience.
But about those original dreams as a child: I knew something then; I wasn’t just parroting grown-up female models I was given. Along the way I became a voice teacher as well as a performer, and I have become a healer for and with others—with sound. Plus, although I chafed during the roughly 18-year detour my life seemed to be on, deferring my own dreams (nod to Lorraine Hansberry there), I learned that nothing is wasted.
I’ll write my own “Spreading Joy” post about this, while I’m at it. Maybe later today. It seems I have something to say on this subject, since my reply to you has gone on for a while. So thanks for the inspiration for that, too. 💐
Very nice to meet you and thank you for sharing your story. I dare say there are million of us with similar experiences and are now - at last - taking the reigns of their own life and actually living their true dreams or desires. My singular purpose for my stack is to help other see the potential for their future a a retired person by showing the value in reclaiming their dreams.
“I had a dream, but I had children. I had a gift, but I had a marriage. I had a longing, but I had bills. I had an idea, but I had parents to care for. I had a self, but I had a role to perform.”
I love your crisp, clear voice. This paragraph spoke directly to me. Thank you.
I like the idea that the old dream does not always come back in its original form. Sometimes it comes back as a feeling you notice for five seconds, or something you keep thinking about at 5 a.m., or one small thing that makes you feel awake again. That feels less like chasing a dream and more like recognizing yourself.
Yes, Kay. That’s exactly it.
Sometimes the dream doesn’t come back wearing the same outfit it wore when we were younger.
It may come back as a feeling. A restlessness. A little flash of recognition. A strange pull toward something we thought we had outgrown.
And I love what you said about “recognizing yourself.” I think that this is the real opportunity of this season. Not inventing a brand-new woman from scratch, but noticing the one who has been quietly trying to get our attention all along.
Yeah, lets hope this time around is the charm 😉
Oh my gosh Monica I think you are inside my head! I have inklings of the future I wonder about. Right now there are a few big obstacles. But now I am trusting myself to be capable of handling them on my own. I will always be a caregiver for my adult disabled son but that still leaves room for wondering and doing. 😊🙏
Never thought of having a future. What an amazing idea.I really had got very little together until this rocketed in. Well well.What next?
I’m in awe of how much you have to say every day!
I’m 73, had a rewarding career as an educator, then took care of my husband who had dementia, then took care of my grandson until he started school, then lived quietly with my two dogs and four cats. They are getting old now and three of the cats have died. I’m looking forward to having more time just for me while not regretting any of my past experiences. I have no big dreams now, just looking forward to time with my family and my friends and moving to a smaller home. Still learning, I have so many books still to read, many more songs to sing. And I look forward to resting whenever I want to.
Sovereignty. I love that image. Thank you.
I appreciate the simplicity of your recommendation to just notice how you feel when you allow yourself to be curious, feel a spark, or remember a dream. And reframe experience so past “failures” are breadcrumbs. Simple but powerful. I have also been allowing myself to notice things that don’t feel quite right. Things I’ve done out of habit that make me feel dull or shut down. Things that I can stop doing and replace with something that lifts my spirit. These actions help me feel happy and powerful.
Thank you for your encouragement to so many of us. I find my biggest obstacles are within myself, not “out there” any more. I have been writing a journal since 1967 so it’s not that I don’t know what my dreams have been if I could get past my own resistance to change. I have accomplished a great deal but still have trouble cleaning up my space. I have not figured how to post on Substack, only to reply to others. I wanted to read the other comments but ran into a message that they were “not in the right format” which I interpreted as, “you didn’t pay for a subscription”, but why doesn’t it say that if that’s the case? Your Tuesday group sounds interesting but I am already doing too much, that is an example of putting up obstacles before even getting to a door I might want to open. Anyway, keep up the good work.
I'm living my dream 🙏🏼🏹✨. And I love all your beautiful, thought provoking writing. Thank you so much Monica for who you are and all you do 💖.
What catches your eye when nothing is required of you.
Thank you for the awareness that this stirs💕🌹
I just finished reading this after the invitation and participation in your breakthrough call on this. The call was profound, inspiring, enlightening and soul feeding
The article has me teared up. So much in our lives happens that we have been taught to push aside. We weren’t encouraged to follow the thread, be curious about the breadcrumbs and patterns, the nudges, the voices in our hearts.
As I read I imagined a mindmap… take failure #1…. Where did it lead… what did it inspire, how is it related to who you are today, what your soul is yearning for now?
There is gold in those threads and the notches life offered.
Thank you, bless you for the pulse and curiosity that drives you and how you share it to bring out curiosity in others
I resonated with several elements in this post, Monica.
When I was a little girl in elementary school and was asked “what” (not who) I wanted to be when I grew up, I had the answers that a small female in the suburbs of Philly in the 1950s had models for, and I either said “a nurse” or “a teacher.” Later, in my 20s and 30s in NYC, my dream was to be a successful classical and opera singer.
My first husband pushed me into a career making other people famous while starting my singing career with my left hand. I did PR and managed concerts for other classical musicians and organizations. While he started his later-successful writing career, I supported us. When the marriage ended, I took a job doing publicity at one of the big three TV networks’ entertainment divisions. That year leveraged me into visibility and a better salary as PR director of a liberal arts college.
All of these were detours, in my mind at the time, for the career I really wanted.
But in the music world, it’s not just what you know and can do, it’s who you know, and I made wonderful contacts and met a life-changing mentor. And helping other musicians with their success, I learned how to promote myself, too—plus developed enough industry know-how that later, in my 40s, I could executive-produce my own two CDs for commercial labels. On them, I was the soloist, working with the composers on their music that I sang. Everybody won. While helping to make the college more famous— which I did!— I had completed my long-dormant BA degree, and left the job with that credential to go forward into the world when, at 40, I was finally able to let go of making other people famous for a paycheck. It all turned out to be invaluable experience.
But about those original dreams as a child: I knew something then; I wasn’t just parroting grown-up female models I was given. Along the way I became a voice teacher as well as a performer, and I have become a healer for and with others—with sound. Plus, although I chafed during the roughly 18-year detour my life seemed to be on, deferring my own dreams (nod to Lorraine Hansberry there), I learned that nothing is wasted.
I’ll write my own “Spreading Joy” post about this, while I’m at it. Maybe later today. It seems I have something to say on this subject, since my reply to you has gone on for a while. So thanks for the inspiration for that, too. 💐
Very nice to meet you and thank you for sharing your story. I dare say there are million of us with similar experiences and are now - at last - taking the reigns of their own life and actually living their true dreams or desires. My singular purpose for my stack is to help other see the potential for their future a a retired person by showing the value in reclaiming their dreams.