The Realization Came After My Purpose Flew the Coop
No 9 a.m. meetings. No emails. No one waiting. Then I got it: purpose stayed. The script left.
A few days ago I was standing at my kitchen counter, coffee cooling beside me, when I read a headline on Substack:
“Retirement doesn’t remove your purpose.”
I stared at it longer than I expected to.
Not because it was wrong.
Because it felt misplaced.
Since when did purpose come with a badge and a parking space?
The way we talk about it, you’d think it was part of a benefits package. Health insurance. Dental. 401(k). Purpose.
And once you stop clocking in, it expires.
That framework doesn’t just feel wrong.
It smells wrong.
The Tuesday I Felt It
It was a Tuesday afternoon.
Miss Lumi had been my rhythm. Four walks a day. Eighteen months. Leash in my hand. Structure on my calendar
.
When she left, so did the schedule.
The first week without her, my phone stayed silent at 9 a.m.
No collar jingling.
No text asking if I was on my way.
No one waiting at the door.
I sat on my daybed that afternoon staring at the ceiling fan turning slow circles.
Not depressed. Not exactly scared.
Just untethered.
There was this low hum under my ribs. Not panic. Not sadness. Just a question I didn’t know how to answer.
If no one needs me today… do I still matter?
That’s the real retirement question.
Not “What is my purpose now?”
But “Who am I without a script?”
What Retirement Actually Removes
Not purpose.
The script.
The 9 a.m. cue.
The meeting where your opinion mattered.
The inbox that proved you were needed.
The applause that told you you were relevant.
For decades, my days were structured by someone else’s priorities.
Jobs. Kids. Schedules. Deadlines.
I woke up and there was already a list waiting for me.
I didn’t question it. I executed it.
And I called that purpose.
It took sitting in that quiet Tuesday to realize something uncomfortable.
I hadn’t lost purpose.
I had lost instructions.
And without instructions, I didn’t know how to listen to myself.
The Rewiring
The shift didn’t start with reinvention.
It started small.
One afternoon I found myself kneading dough just because I wanted to feel it push back against my palms.
Another morning I picked up a brush before checking my phone.
No one assigned that to me.
No one was paying me.
No one was applauding.
And yet something in my chest felt steady.
Alive.
That was the pulse.
Purpose is not a job.
It’s a pulse.
It doesn’t require applause.
It doesn’t need a title.
It doesn’t come with a performance review.
It requires attention.
And most of us were too busy performing to notice it.
The Part No One Likes to Admit
Sometimes when people say, “I need to find my purpose,” what they really mean is:
“I don’t know who I am without being useful.”
Retirement removes usefulness as an identity.
It removes the script that told you when to feel important.
And that can feel like drifting.
But drifting isn’t disappearance.
It’s space. Space within your soul, mind and body to actually do with your time and money what matters to YOU.
I Didn’t Retire. I Rewired.
The first rewiring was separating purpose from productivity.
The second was realizing I never lost it.
I just finally got to choose it.
Not because someone assigned it.
Not because it earned applause.
Not because it proved I was still relevant.
But because it was mine.
The kind of purpose that doesn’t shout.
It whispers.
It shows up in flour on my hands.
Paint under my nails.
A quiet afternoon where I do exactly what I want and no one is keeping score.
So no, retirement didn’t remove my purpose.
It removed the script.
And that script had been so loud I mistook it for identity.
If you’re in that untethered space right now, sitting at 2 p.m. on a Tuesday wondering what you’re supposed to do next…
Stay there a minute.
Notice what you reach for when nobody is watching.
Notice what makes time dissolve.
That quiet draw toward something simple and unremarkable?
That’s not emptiness.
That’s your life, finally unscheduled.
If this hit you—if you’ve been sitting in the blank space wondering who you are without the script—you’re ready for what I write about every day.
I help women stop performing their lives and start actually living them.
Not by chasing purpose. By listening to what’s been waiting underneath the noise.
Right now I’m offering 20% off annual subscriptions to The Daily RE-WIRE.
When you subscribe, you get immediate access to:
BREAKTHROUGH Guide - helps you clear the clutter so you can hear what you actually want (not what you think you should want)
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Daily essays like this one—raw, honest, lived
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This isn’t about finding your purpose.
It’s about finally hearing the one that’s been there all along.
The one that whispers instead of shouts.
The one that doesn’t require applause.
The one that’s yours.
I didn’t retire. I rewired.
And I can show you how.
—Monica
So this sounds very Pollyanna but I always wanted people to feel better because they were with me and that somehow even in a very small moment they would feel supported. So when I retired that desire is still a constant in my day. I only cared about a job title because pay was aligned with it. Being kind to a clerk, one of my students, my mother who had dementia, my grand-baby this is what keeps me going especially in a world of ugliness and bad news! I always feel better after reading your blog Monica. Your truth telling makes me feel better and supported. Thank you for what you're doing!
You put this into words so well! I'm keeping at it but this rewiring of a deeply ingrained life compass is a bit challenging. I'm keeping at it! 🧭💞