They Gathered Without Her
They Forgot Her. She Remembered Herself.
There seems to be a re-occurting theme in my life that goes something like this: I make plans or intentions, God Laughs!
I had fully intended to paint something playful yesterday. The idea of a jolly painting featuring an ol timey beach ball a little of center floating in a placid, serene lake surrounded by etheral mountaings and billowing clouds.
I liked the concept. It felt light, different. I even had the canvas ready and set aside some time to explore it.
But oh! My soul had an entirely different idea, altogether. Enter the memories.
I had prepped the canvas and left it to dry. Shuffled over to through a pile of laundry into the washing machine. In doing so, a memory was triggered. Not a dramatic one—just a quiet ache I didn’t expect. A family trip. A gathering I hadn’t been invited to. Then another memory followed right behind it. Same shape, same wound. Then, a in-real-life experience came - right to my front door! Ugh. I really thought I had dealt with this. It seems there was more I had to do.
And all of a sudden, there it was again—that old, familiar pain.
The one I thought I had already cried through. The one I assumed I had already processed. But clearly, my soul had something else in mind.
I am fond of sitting in silence with myself. This is a daily practice. But this time. Oh no! The energy was pulsing and needed attention.
I pulled the planned pastel landscape off the easel and reached for an old canvas that had been sitting off to the side. I didn’t plan—I just mixed black and white until it felt right. Charcoal gray. Heavy and true.
I covered the entire canvas in it. And I stood a few feet back, I kept seeing flashes in my mind—deep maroon, cherry red, long vertical strokes. I didn’t question it. I just followed the feeling.
And then came the beach ball. That little flash of pink I had been thinking about earlier. But this time, it wasn’t playful. It wasn’t whimsical. It wasn’t floating in sunlight.
It was alone. And far left. And so very quiet.
I thought I was done at that point. But something stopped me from walking away.
That’s when I heard it, clear as anything: “She’s the little girl. The one who always gets left behind.” Clearly this is the wound that my soul wanted me to address. The little girl who got left behind, pretty much all the time.
So I gave her a body. I gave her arms. I gave her presence.
And just like that, the painting was finished. And the ache had dissapaited.
This piece—They Gathered Without Her—feels like part two of something I didn’t even realize I was building. The first was No Justice, a raw response to Roe being overturned. This one is more personal, but just as deep. It’s about that invisible ache women carry when we’re left out, overlooked, or treated like an afterthought—even by those we love. I don’t know about you, but I loathe being an afterthought!
I didn’t paint today because I wanted to make something beautiful. I painted to survive a feeling.
And what came out was something I didn’t even know was still waiting to be seen. I experienced a breakthrough.
That’s what breakthrough really is. Not some perfect moment of clarity, not a mountaintop revelation. It’s the moment you stop pushing the feeling away. It’s when your body tells the truth before your mind can censor it.
It’s when a beach ball becomes a little girl, and a little girl becomes the part of you that still needed to be witnessed.
That’s the work I’ve been doing lately—not just in paint, but in the pages of the guide I created for women like us.
Women who are tired of pushing things down.
Women who want to know what it feels like to finally hear themselves think again.
This painting is part of that story now.
So am I.
If you’re ready for your own breakthrough,you’re not too late.
You can begin your own breakthrough using the prompts I wrote in my BREAKTHROUGH Guide I hope you will give yourself this advantage, so that you too can enjoy the experience of the most intimate relationship you will ever have - and the most paramount one we could ever have. To live with this deep connection is to live without fear or any other encumbraces. It is to live with knowing and that brings all the other fruits: joy, peace, ease. And yes it is an advantage to experience your own breakthrough. You are so worth it! Please feel free to message me with any questions you may have.