JOY is an act of defiance. Thanks so much Monica…you describe, and exemplify winner/outer steps that allows joy to creep into, through, and then flow out of us! ❤️
I want to support everything you’ve said. I think women who have struggled to establish their own identity under patriarchy, getting together to build strength, is a worthy and essential effort.
At the same time I feel very sad. I see men in positions of power abuse others and whole societies. I cringe. I see other men just struggling to stay employed and hopeful, suffering. And again I cringe.
I know from experience how both adult women and adult men have taught boys to be tough and suppress their emotions. I have seen society send young men off to war and then neglect and shun them when they come back emotionally broken. The loss of the ones who die in war leave grieving families, but are soon forgotten by society as the focus turns to the next war. I know that boys are sexually abused as well as girls (even though proportionally fewer).
The damage patriarchy has done to boys and men has left most of us feeling isolated and trapped by that very admonishment to “be tough.” Being taught that expressing emotions is weakness further blocks healing. The fear represented by homophobia also plays a substantial role in keeping men apart from each other.
So although it’s clear that women-only efforts are needed, I humbly suggest that to truly get beyond patriarchy, we all (all genders, if you will) eventually must collaborate. I don’t think we can make the real progress we need without helping each other.
And it’s not easy, I know. Many men sit with their pain alone, with little hope. Yet they could be active participants in changing society if we could just build the bridges between us that we need.
Thank you for this generous, nuanced reflection. I feel your heart in it.
Yes—patriarchy has harmed everyone. It has stolen tenderness from boys, severed men from their own emotional truth, and locked generations of people into roles that never fit. You’re absolutely right that grief, war trauma, emotional isolation, and the fear of vulnerability have left deep wounds across the board. None of that should be denied or minimized.
But here’s what I want to offer back gently:
Women gathering in women-only spaces is not exclusion. It’s repair. It’s not a rejection of men—it’s a reclamation of voice, agency, and the right to heal without needing to explain or soften our truth to keep others comfortable. For many of us, safety and coherence begin where we don’t have to negotiate visibility.
And when we do that work—when we gather in truth, when we stop auditing ourselves and start aligning with soul—then we’re able to return to the world and build those bridges you so beautifully named.
You’re right: we will need each other to dismantle what’s been built. But we don’t all begin from the same place. And healing often starts in rooms where our wounds don’t need footnotes.
JOY is an act of defiance. Thanks so much Monica…you describe, and exemplify winner/outer steps that allows joy to creep into, through, and then flow out of us! ❤️
I want to support everything you’ve said. I think women who have struggled to establish their own identity under patriarchy, getting together to build strength, is a worthy and essential effort.
At the same time I feel very sad. I see men in positions of power abuse others and whole societies. I cringe. I see other men just struggling to stay employed and hopeful, suffering. And again I cringe.
I know from experience how both adult women and adult men have taught boys to be tough and suppress their emotions. I have seen society send young men off to war and then neglect and shun them when they come back emotionally broken. The loss of the ones who die in war leave grieving families, but are soon forgotten by society as the focus turns to the next war. I know that boys are sexually abused as well as girls (even though proportionally fewer).
The damage patriarchy has done to boys and men has left most of us feeling isolated and trapped by that very admonishment to “be tough.” Being taught that expressing emotions is weakness further blocks healing. The fear represented by homophobia also plays a substantial role in keeping men apart from each other.
So although it’s clear that women-only efforts are needed, I humbly suggest that to truly get beyond patriarchy, we all (all genders, if you will) eventually must collaborate. I don’t think we can make the real progress we need without helping each other.
And it’s not easy, I know. Many men sit with their pain alone, with little hope. Yet they could be active participants in changing society if we could just build the bridges between us that we need.
Thank you for this generous, nuanced reflection. I feel your heart in it.
Yes—patriarchy has harmed everyone. It has stolen tenderness from boys, severed men from their own emotional truth, and locked generations of people into roles that never fit. You’re absolutely right that grief, war trauma, emotional isolation, and the fear of vulnerability have left deep wounds across the board. None of that should be denied or minimized.
But here’s what I want to offer back gently:
Women gathering in women-only spaces is not exclusion. It’s repair. It’s not a rejection of men—it’s a reclamation of voice, agency, and the right to heal without needing to explain or soften our truth to keep others comfortable. For many of us, safety and coherence begin where we don’t have to negotiate visibility.
And when we do that work—when we gather in truth, when we stop auditing ourselves and start aligning with soul—then we’re able to return to the world and build those bridges you so beautifully named.
You’re right: we will need each other to dismantle what’s been built. But we don’t all begin from the same place. And healing often starts in rooms where our wounds don’t need footnotes.
Thank you for being a man who sees this.