Here’s something I can’t unsee: women over 60, from every corner of the internet, are circling around the same struggle.
For some time now, I’ve been reading posts in Reddit threads and Facebook groups for women over 60. And again and again, I see the same theme:
So many women don’t actually know who they are at this stage of life. It’s no wonder, there was no model for us to follow.
The women who came before us didn’t have what we have now.
They didn’t live as long — not in years, and certainly not in freedom. Most of our mothers and grandmothers never had the stretch of decades we do past sixty. There was no space to ask, “Who am I now?” Their lives were shorter, yes — but also narrower. More prescribed. More about duty than discovery.
Their choices were limited, and the script was already written:
Marry young.
Raise kids.
Keep the house.
Maybe get a job if it was needed — but don’t dream too big.
Passion? Creativity? Self-expression? That wasn’t the point. That wasn’t the plan.
And now here we are — the first generation of women with both the time and the freedom to ask bigger questions. We’re living longer. We’re no longer defined by who we take care of. And for the first time… we’re allowed to wonder:
Who am I, really?
What do I want next?
It’s thrilling.
It’s terrifying.
It’s uncharted territory.
And it’s ours.
We’re not here to repeat the past. We’re here to write what’s never been written. To become the women our grandmothers never got the chance to be.
And yet, even with all this freedom, so many of us still don’t know where to begin.
They’re looking for ideas to fill their time — traveling, caring for grandkids, volunteering. All beautiful things in themselves. But behind those posts is a quiet confession that repeats:
“I don’t know who I am right now.” Or “I don’t know what to do with myself. “
And I believe I know why.
Most of our lives were spent wearing identities that society handed us. We were told what to be: wife, mother, employee, caretaker. We were praised for serving, for reacting, for keeping the wheels turning for everyone else.
We heard “to thine own self be true,” but we were never given the freedom to truly know who that “self” was. We never had the luxury of time to truly discover what makes our clock tick.
Which brings us here. To this moment. To this doorway.
Let’s talk about something I wish someone had told me 30 years ago:
👉🏽 You are not your label.
For decades, we wore them like Girl Scout badges —
Wife. Mother. Caretaker. Volunteer of the Year. Doer of All The Things While Smiling Through Gritted Teeth.
Some of those roles brought deep joy. Others? Exhaustion.
But here’s what they all had in common:
They were identifications — not identity.
✨ Identification is the role.
External. Temporary. What others expected.
✨ Identity is who you’ve always been.
The you that existed before they named you. The you that will still be standing when the titles fade.
Most of us never got to make that distinction. We were too busy doing what we were told. Until one day, the role ends.
The marriage dissolves.
The kids move out.
The boss replaces you with someone who “gets TikTok.”
And suddenly — there’s silence.
And in that silence, a whisper:
“But who am I now?”
That’s not a crisis. That’s your soul, your own spirit knocking.
And if you’re feeling that knock? You’re not broken. You’re not lost. You’re finally standing at the right doorway.
This is where life gets honest. Where you stop measuring your value by what you do for others. Where you wake up for you. Where you put down the heavy cape of performance and remember:
You’re not here to impress.
You’re here to live.
In my next email, I’ll share simple ways to shift — to peel off the labels, to move from identification back into identity. No lectures. No assignments. Just light on the path.
But for today, ask yourself this:
If I wasn’t “the mom” or “the helper” or “the strong one”… who would I be?
Let that question echo. Because I promise — the woman underneath? She’s still there. And she’s not tired. She’s just waking up.
✨ A Light for the Path
If this message stirs something in you and you want a gentle, practical guide to begin that shift, I created The Refoundation Manual for women exactly at this doorway. It’s not a course or a project. It’s a companion — something you can keep by your side as you begin rediscovering who you are beyond the labels.
👉🏽 Explore the Refoundation Manual
Because who you are was never lost. She’s been waiting for you.
With you in the deep stuff,
Monica
P.S. If today’s note stirred something in you — if you felt that whisper of “Yes, that’s me” — I’d love to walk with you a little closer. My paid subscribers get the deeper dives, the Sunday night Zoom calls, and the behind-the-scenes sparks that don’t make it into the public posts.
Think of it as a front-row seat while we figure out this wild, beautiful “who am I now?” season together.