Been there and done that complete with being in the parsonage den and my preacher husband telling me that I have no right to feel like I feel. NO RIGHT??? Due to circumstances beyond my control it took too many years of increasingly being put down before I was able to leave without losing my ability to provide for myself and my son. However, I left in my head that day the rest of the time was just making sure the wight bearing bridge to shore was built.
Sometimes you tell your husband, "I need space to be me...I'm going to counseling. If you want to come feel free but if not, no problem." Sometimes he says, "I'll go for you" and you say, "Don't do me any favors. If you want to come, do it for yourself and maybe us but definitely not for me." Sometimes he thinks about it and after a while he says, "I want to go for me."...and he does. And after many of sessions and lot of uncovered fears and rivers of tears, sometimes you and your husband find a new way of being, of accepting, of loving, of living together. Leaving is not always the answer...sometimes it's learning to give yourself space and demanding that from others.
I love that he was telling you your feelings were wrong, which triggered more feelings: revulsion, fight or flight, whatever it was, it was a feeling that led to a decision and obviously it was the right one: get out. Thank you for sharing your confidence and self knowing!
Been there and done that complete with being in the parsonage den and my preacher husband telling me that I have no right to feel like I feel. NO RIGHT??? Due to circumstances beyond my control it took too many years of increasingly being put down before I was able to leave without losing my ability to provide for myself and my son. However, I left in my head that day the rest of the time was just making sure the wight bearing bridge to shore was built.
we are sisters! what is it about preacher - men??
AMEN!!!!!!!
Sometimes you tell your husband, "I need space to be me...I'm going to counseling. If you want to come feel free but if not, no problem." Sometimes he says, "I'll go for you" and you say, "Don't do me any favors. If you want to come, do it for yourself and maybe us but definitely not for me." Sometimes he thinks about it and after a while he says, "I want to go for me."...and he does. And after many of sessions and lot of uncovered fears and rivers of tears, sometimes you and your husband find a new way of being, of accepting, of loving, of living together. Leaving is not always the answer...sometimes it's learning to give yourself space and demanding that from others.
I left the jerk 35 years ago
Thank you for this article. Took me back a few years to another life in another time.
I love that he was telling you your feelings were wrong, which triggered more feelings: revulsion, fight or flight, whatever it was, it was a feeling that led to a decision and obviously it was the right one: get out. Thank you for sharing your confidence and self knowing!