I felt relief just reading this because it mirrors the very same situation and conclusion I have come to. When you questioned and explored your relationship with your friend a week or two ago, I began to wonder if you were going to be giving in to something that didn’t fit you perfectly. In my case, I have landed in the same place you have. It would have been a huge compromise of my own values to have become anything more than good friends. It was a “whew” moment when I settled that within myself once and for all.
I never thought of it that way, thank you for that insight.
In the last several days I’ve been reminded that when my soul (or spirits my soul is connected to), want my attention, the top of my head tingles intensely and I have to scratch it.
Now that I remember, it is a clear message to do it, take the risk, say yes, I’m heading in the right direction.
All of this is coming since ‘Splattergate’, when I stood up for myself and recognized that just because someone said I did something wrong, or that I’m a horrible human, I am not. I’m a flawed human being, but I am not ‘bad’.
So now I pay attention to the tingles and move.
I will get better at it and practice more breathing and listening.
Monica, what a beautiful post to share…and the first thing I related to was that 2 am mind working. My mind has also been working hard to disturb my sleep and make my stress go up while sleeping, what the nerve! And it has been the same theme for the past few nights. Last night it was finally loud enough that I was able to discern what it was say and I said ‘hell no!’ And went back to sleep. When I woke up I felt like I was back in charge of myself. And it was a silly thing “you NEED to pick up the mail before they send it back”. So what if it goes back to the post office. Is there a post office court who will condemn me to even more junk mail. Yep I didn’t think so. Old stories of what I should or shouldn’t do try to worm their way in. During the day i don’t have time for such nonsense, so I guess they are now trying while I am trying to sleep… anywho, thank you and I am glad you have resolve now and on your terms. — Kimberly >/<
He and I are deep soul friends. Beyond being a BFF. It's more about having another who " gets it" spiritualy. We have long interesting convos about it. And we are both very community minded, so often we are working on a project to deepen the impact of our community for others. It's like having a husband with out the marriage part- easy -breazy!
I have referred to him as the perfect husband. He giggles, because he gets it. We live in the same high rise- he owns it. One floor above me. We can go days and sometimes weeks without any interaction - but let me get sick - and oh boy he's on that like a june bug on the back of duck. Then he'll slide back into his life, I into mine and we keep on doing our solitary llives........ it's got a nice rythm
Once again, you have touched me in a tender place and given me hope and encouragement to make a decision, act upon it and clarify where I stand in my 5 year "relationship" that was born out of a desperate need for love and affection two years after being widowed. I went on the dating circuit far earlier than I should have (in wonderful, useless hindsight) and for me, the relationship has morphed into more of a "carer" role for this man who's health and financial challenges over the last 3 years has left him somewhat dependent upon me for advice, support, information, companionship and love - all of which I have been happy to provide - up till now, when I am REALLY starting to feel the need of a romantic and MUTUALLY supportive relationship with someone on a similar "wave length" to me, someone who, like my husband, WANTS me but doesn't NEED me! Unfortunately, I am an emotional coward and cannot bear to tell him my feelings differ so dramatically from those I initially experienced. I don't want to be responsible for his heartbreak on top of his health and wealth challenges.
How do I get out of this without causing harm to a good, but (apparently) hopelessly besotted man!?
This happened to me last year. My ex from 25 years ago came back into my life just a few weeks after my mother died. Our breakup all those years ago was complicated. So I was very clear in the beginning I was not looking for a relationship. He stated the same, but it soon became very apparent he wanted us to not only live together again, but to marry. At the same time he was being extremely supportive of what I was going through with the death of my mom. But finally I had to put my foot down. I had to stand up for me. Because no matter how clear I was, he would not listen to what I really wanted. In the end, his love was selfish. And that was what ended us all those years ago. Is he a good man? Yes. But I’m a good woman and the only one who will stand up for me is me. I could not sacrifice me and put his needs before my own. In the end I walked away feeling energised and so proud of myself.
Thank you for sharing this. What stands out to me isn’t the history or even the heartbreak, but the moment you named so clearly: I could not sacrifice me.
That’s the place I was pointing to in the post. Not drama. Not damage. But the quiet, steady energy that comes from finally standing with yourself instead of negotiating against yourself.
Walking away energized and proud is such a clean signal. That’s not loss. That’s alignment.
I know this: what's good for you is good for the other person too. But you need to think long term and bigger picture. I can think of many situations where I felt hurt and in hindsight it was the right thing for me to experience because it gave me the opportunity to become who I am today.
I felt relief just reading this because it mirrors the very same situation and conclusion I have come to. When you questioned and explored your relationship with your friend a week or two ago, I began to wonder if you were going to be giving in to something that didn’t fit you perfectly. In my case, I have landed in the same place you have. It would have been a huge compromise of my own values to have become anything more than good friends. It was a “whew” moment when I settled that within myself once and for all.
I never thought of it that way, thank you for that insight.
In the last several days I’ve been reminded that when my soul (or spirits my soul is connected to), want my attention, the top of my head tingles intensely and I have to scratch it.
Now that I remember, it is a clear message to do it, take the risk, say yes, I’m heading in the right direction.
All of this is coming since ‘Splattergate’, when I stood up for myself and recognized that just because someone said I did something wrong, or that I’m a horrible human, I am not. I’m a flawed human being, but I am not ‘bad’.
So now I pay attention to the tingles and move.
I will get better at it and practice more breathing and listening.
Thank you!
Monica, what a beautiful post to share…and the first thing I related to was that 2 am mind working. My mind has also been working hard to disturb my sleep and make my stress go up while sleeping, what the nerve! And it has been the same theme for the past few nights. Last night it was finally loud enough that I was able to discern what it was say and I said ‘hell no!’ And went back to sleep. When I woke up I felt like I was back in charge of myself. And it was a silly thing “you NEED to pick up the mail before they send it back”. So what if it goes back to the post office. Is there a post office court who will condemn me to even more junk mail. Yep I didn’t think so. Old stories of what I should or shouldn’t do try to worm their way in. During the day i don’t have time for such nonsense, so I guess they are now trying while I am trying to sleep… anywho, thank you and I am glad you have resolve now and on your terms. — Kimberly >/<
"Relief is a spiritual event." Brilliant!
So much relatable wisdom. Namasté, dear one. 🪷
I just love you! Reading your stories brings me joy. Thank you!
I am so grateful our paths have crossed 🙏Thank you for sharing your light
So what is exactly his interest, if its not all those things? It left me hanging.
He and I are deep soul friends. Beyond being a BFF. It's more about having another who " gets it" spiritualy. We have long interesting convos about it. And we are both very community minded, so often we are working on a project to deepen the impact of our community for others. It's like having a husband with out the marriage part- easy -breazy!
Thank for sharing. Now I can connect with the relief you described.
Such a gift - to have someone that gets it. Sometimes that's more intimate than having a husband.
I have referred to him as the perfect husband. He giggles, because he gets it. We live in the same high rise- he owns it. One floor above me. We can go days and sometimes weeks without any interaction - but let me get sick - and oh boy he's on that like a june bug on the back of duck. Then he'll slide back into his life, I into mine and we keep on doing our solitary llives........ it's got a nice rythm
You don't make soul friends. You find them.
Once again, you have touched me in a tender place and given me hope and encouragement to make a decision, act upon it and clarify where I stand in my 5 year "relationship" that was born out of a desperate need for love and affection two years after being widowed. I went on the dating circuit far earlier than I should have (in wonderful, useless hindsight) and for me, the relationship has morphed into more of a "carer" role for this man who's health and financial challenges over the last 3 years has left him somewhat dependent upon me for advice, support, information, companionship and love - all of which I have been happy to provide - up till now, when I am REALLY starting to feel the need of a romantic and MUTUALLY supportive relationship with someone on a similar "wave length" to me, someone who, like my husband, WANTS me but doesn't NEED me! Unfortunately, I am an emotional coward and cannot bear to tell him my feelings differ so dramatically from those I initially experienced. I don't want to be responsible for his heartbreak on top of his health and wealth challenges.
How do I get out of this without causing harm to a good, but (apparently) hopelessly besotted man!?
This happened to me last year. My ex from 25 years ago came back into my life just a few weeks after my mother died. Our breakup all those years ago was complicated. So I was very clear in the beginning I was not looking for a relationship. He stated the same, but it soon became very apparent he wanted us to not only live together again, but to marry. At the same time he was being extremely supportive of what I was going through with the death of my mom. But finally I had to put my foot down. I had to stand up for me. Because no matter how clear I was, he would not listen to what I really wanted. In the end, his love was selfish. And that was what ended us all those years ago. Is he a good man? Yes. But I’m a good woman and the only one who will stand up for me is me. I could not sacrifice me and put his needs before my own. In the end I walked away feeling energised and so proud of myself.
Thank you for sharing this. What stands out to me isn’t the history or even the heartbreak, but the moment you named so clearly: I could not sacrifice me.
That’s the place I was pointing to in the post. Not drama. Not damage. But the quiet, steady energy that comes from finally standing with yourself instead of negotiating against yourself.
Walking away energized and proud is such a clean signal. That’s not loss. That’s alignment.
I know this: what's good for you is good for the other person too. But you need to think long term and bigger picture. I can think of many situations where I felt hurt and in hindsight it was the right thing for me to experience because it gave me the opportunity to become who I am today.
Thank you for sharing that. You inspired this haiku:
to hold or let go
attachment or detachment
listen to your soul