My waves come with overdoing, sudden pains, I don’t deserve. Brain fog from one of the many medications I need to take to cope with all the side effects of the other medication that I have to take to stay alive. From Al Anon and the Stoics and even Mel Robbins, we have learned to say “let them“ but I always want to make it be from a Superior and high mental point of view. But mostly it’s while being horizontal, admitting I’m tired and back in bed. Lovely woman, you do you. I’ll do me. And we read each other and look at each other‘s beauty and productivity and loving kindness whenever it’s presented. Thank you for the reminder of vulnerability. it always encourages others to share. Blessings to us all on whatever this day brings. I’m hoping to get my latest piece out: title is “better out than in”. It’s about being honest, and not pretending to be better than we are. Hugs until our next connection. ❤️Cynthia.
I recognise the pattern you describe - as well as the doubt that settles in when the tide is low. It does feel like losing control - or better said a reminder that I wasn't in control anyways. This up-and-down wave triggers the sense that I'm being punished. What am I not doing that means I lost flow? What do I need to do to get it back? I measure my okay-ness by how connected I am. How much I'm able to keep my mind still. How much clarity I have. And it's as if the one who is truly pulling the ropes caught on to the fact this is the game I'm playing and they're showing me this is not how this works. What's required is a deeper trust in myself and the great mistery - and if I'm honest, it's difficult for me to do that.
Monica, I identify with this today! My body has gone on strike but my brain keeps feeding me ideas. I was working on my next Substack post and it started reflecting my gloomy mood, so I've put that one on that back burner. Instead, I'm pulling out a blog piece from 10 years ago and republishing it. When dealing with chronic illness, sometimes the most creative thing I can do is rest and find an "okay" alternative to my original plans.
It's a different kind of wave.... high tide and low tide and the waves in-between..... they are each needed, aren't they? A-ha! We don't/ can't control any of them.... but they each give us a different kind of "access," a different path.... The beach is my happiest place. Thank you for sharing today- helpful..... hoping you are feeling better soon!
I enjoy your posts. Thank you. I am sorry to hear you are experiencing vertigo. …About the vertigo, I can get vertigo if I wear ear buds too long, this happened to me when working from home during covid, earbuds in all day for the phone. It was caused by the earbuds, haven’t had that experience since, and cautious about wearing them too long, like on a flight for example. Just wanted to share that with you in case it helps you when or if you wear ear buds at all, or to encourage you to wear them in shorter spurts. It was an awful experience to have vertigo. I don’t wear earbuds at all now…I will use soft, lightweight, cordless headphones at home if needed. Hope you feel better soon 🙏🏻🪴
Damn. I really resonate with this tide metaphor too. And I tend to feel really down and full of doubt when the tide goes out, question everything. Tysm for sharing the observation!
I loved each of your paintings and choice of sandy beach colours! They bring back many summer memories for me.
My wave of inspiration sounds similar to yours and I am noticing it more lately. For years I have enjoyed riding the wave but have been noticing of late that when I'm not on that wave my energy and motivation is gone. Sitting in my comfy chair with a good book, and the sun streaming down helps, if I stay out of my thoughts and don't go down the rabbit hole. My mood can dip, I begin to question why I keep wanting to work, learn and why I don't just allow myself to slip into retirement mode.
What I'm beginning to accept is when in these low states emerge is to not question - in fact to step out of my thoughts, they are doing me a diservice. Stepping outside, beginning to move often helps to bring me back to joy moments and revitalize me. Also reading a good novel and having a little nap helps. (My wise self is beginning to be compassionate to my aging self)
A (biblical ?) phrase my mother used to say to me in turbulent times was " And this too shall pass". That phrase often anchors me, in the knowing this moment/day is transitory - sort of like a dark cloud overhead and soon there will be light- so be gentle to self now.
I really like your process of beginning to do the everyday simple chores- gentle movement- and leaving the wave time for creation and exploration - with no judgement. Alix, RCSW
My waves come with overdoing, sudden pains, I don’t deserve. Brain fog from one of the many medications I need to take to cope with all the side effects of the other medication that I have to take to stay alive. From Al Anon and the Stoics and even Mel Robbins, we have learned to say “let them“ but I always want to make it be from a Superior and high mental point of view. But mostly it’s while being horizontal, admitting I’m tired and back in bed. Lovely woman, you do you. I’ll do me. And we read each other and look at each other‘s beauty and productivity and loving kindness whenever it’s presented. Thank you for the reminder of vulnerability. it always encourages others to share. Blessings to us all on whatever this day brings. I’m hoping to get my latest piece out: title is “better out than in”. It’s about being honest, and not pretending to be better than we are. Hugs until our next connection. ❤️Cynthia.
Cynthia… I hear you.
Your waves sound very different from mine, but the honesty in how you’re living them feels the same.
That “horizontal and admitting I’m tired” part… that’s real life, not failure.
I love what you said about not pretending to be better than we are. There’s something deeply human in that, and it’s where real connection happens.
I’m looking forward to your piece. “Better out than in” sounds like it’s going to land in all the right places.
Thank you for sharing yourself so openly here.
"...it feels like control.
It isn’t.
It’s access."
Thank you Monica for putting words to my feelings! NOTICING. And now they make sense! xoxo
I recognise the pattern you describe - as well as the doubt that settles in when the tide is low. It does feel like losing control - or better said a reminder that I wasn't in control anyways. This up-and-down wave triggers the sense that I'm being punished. What am I not doing that means I lost flow? What do I need to do to get it back? I measure my okay-ness by how connected I am. How much I'm able to keep my mind still. How much clarity I have. And it's as if the one who is truly pulling the ropes caught on to the fact this is the game I'm playing and they're showing me this is not how this works. What's required is a deeper trust in myself and the great mistery - and if I'm honest, it's difficult for me to do that.
Monica, I identify with this today! My body has gone on strike but my brain keeps feeding me ideas. I was working on my next Substack post and it started reflecting my gloomy mood, so I've put that one on that back burner. Instead, I'm pulling out a blog piece from 10 years ago and republishing it. When dealing with chronic illness, sometimes the most creative thing I can do is rest and find an "okay" alternative to my original plans.
It's a different kind of wave.... high tide and low tide and the waves in-between..... they are each needed, aren't they? A-ha! We don't/ can't control any of them.... but they each give us a different kind of "access," a different path.... The beach is my happiest place. Thank you for sharing today- helpful..... hoping you are feeling better soon!
PS love you water work art too 😊
I enjoy your posts. Thank you. I am sorry to hear you are experiencing vertigo. …About the vertigo, I can get vertigo if I wear ear buds too long, this happened to me when working from home during covid, earbuds in all day for the phone. It was caused by the earbuds, haven’t had that experience since, and cautious about wearing them too long, like on a flight for example. Just wanted to share that with you in case it helps you when or if you wear ear buds at all, or to encourage you to wear them in shorter spurts. It was an awful experience to have vertigo. I don’t wear earbuds at all now…I will use soft, lightweight, cordless headphones at home if needed. Hope you feel better soon 🙏🏻🪴
Thanks. I don’t use earbuds. I have them. I forget to use them! LOL
Damn. I really resonate with this tide metaphor too. And I tend to feel really down and full of doubt when the tide goes out, question everything. Tysm for sharing the observation!
I loved each of your paintings and choice of sandy beach colours! They bring back many summer memories for me.
My wave of inspiration sounds similar to yours and I am noticing it more lately. For years I have enjoyed riding the wave but have been noticing of late that when I'm not on that wave my energy and motivation is gone. Sitting in my comfy chair with a good book, and the sun streaming down helps, if I stay out of my thoughts and don't go down the rabbit hole. My mood can dip, I begin to question why I keep wanting to work, learn and why I don't just allow myself to slip into retirement mode.
What I'm beginning to accept is when in these low states emerge is to not question - in fact to step out of my thoughts, they are doing me a diservice. Stepping outside, beginning to move often helps to bring me back to joy moments and revitalize me. Also reading a good novel and having a little nap helps. (My wise self is beginning to be compassionate to my aging self)
A (biblical ?) phrase my mother used to say to me in turbulent times was " And this too shall pass". That phrase often anchors me, in the knowing this moment/day is transitory - sort of like a dark cloud overhead and soon there will be light- so be gentle to self now.
I really like your process of beginning to do the everyday simple chores- gentle movement- and leaving the wave time for creation and exploration - with no judgement. Alix, RCSW
To me retirement mode means I have time to expand my creative interest.