I agree. Who made the rules and why? I was fortunate to have a very nonconventional Mom and it gave me probably more freedom to choose. Though those "follow the rules" guidelines were also installed through society, advertising, social mores.
I have no idea what I am passionate about because after finally retiring I am tired. And trying to find my way back to me outside of all the expectations to show up to work and play the role. I have given myself permission to rest and regroup. Then it will become more visible. Thank you for this article!
I'm trying to find one rule ... Good grief, sounds like we're on our way to Lord of the Rings, Mount Doom, doesn't it? One rule to rule them all! .... The only thing I can get a bit of a ping of is: Art, writing, and crafts are not sensible: You need to be an accountant or secretary.
My parents used to say that to me 100 times a days sometimes!
You’re right on. When I turned 70, I said to myself, “F—-, I can do whatever I want now. And…when the kids come to visit, they can make their own beds.”
You mentioned something about “passion.” I wanted to quote that! Thanks for the morning talk.
Monica, you’re like the light in the window for someone who is looking for some kind of map. It’s a map in the sense that you offer guidance and support no instructions or directions. Helping women find the power and strength they always had and didn’t really know how to access.
I’ve been a rule breaker most of my life, and as you wrote about, it didn’t necessarily bring wealth or notoriety, it sometimes brought a loneliness of sorts. However, I’d rather have done it that way and learned how to live with myself as fully as possible than to have followed every rule deeper and deeper into my own depressive state of being.
Keep the light burning because it’s so wonderful to see the welcoming face at the door.
Monica, 5 weeks before my wedding, I called it off. I was miserable, and my father said, "Someone who is about to get married should be happier." I realized the momentum was carrying me along - the bridesmaids had their dresses, the organist was booked, and the apartment was rented. It is SO HARD to call off a wedding. I can understand the pressure on you as an 18-year-old.
When I broke it off with my fiancé, he swore he'd be miserable for the rest of his life. Six months later, he was married. Six months after that, he was a father. He's now divorced. A year after I broke my relationship with him, I met my husband - we've been married 56 years.
I create Truth Meme REELS if anyone's interested. I'm in a tough situation myself. 61 and hating it. Yet I create bc I STILL can. AND it's about TRUTH. Not being shut down, shut off or starved of validation. I'm against that so I CREATE and I love it. I'd post one but that option isn't available. Some are on my page here. I have probably 200 Reels & Truth Memes by now. YouTube Channel TikTok Instagram & two accts here. MATA MAKE AMERICA THINK AGAIN PROJECT 👁️ 🧠 🧐🤔 🤯💬 🤓 I found out in testing I gave a higher than usual IQ but people say imma nerd, a freak, a weirdo and what we else they make up.
Good for you!!! So glad you got away and found yourself!! I'm still in IT...the prison of Malignant narcissistic gaslighter blowhard DBL down foolishness=
MY Marriage !! 26 years AGO I said yes. I had no idea 💡 what I was getting into. But, I had the feelings I shouldn't do THIS. I was sick though and I needed help. That was my help. I thought God sent him. Maybe God did I'll find this out later. But it WASNT exact just to save me at the time but to save him too. NOW it's hatred. Self loathing crying PITIFUL hatred. Tragic how your supposed Earth Angel becomes your bully love. Cringe.
I had misgivings about entering into my marriage, but I definitely didn’t have the strength, at age 26, to break things off once the wedding plans were made and the invitations were sent. I ended up filing for a divorce 7 1/2 years later.
Brilliant Monica! The phrase that says I have established a continual performance review of myself, complete with a disapproving supervisor who lives in my head...OMG...that is me! Still today! So thank you! I was always a follower who didn't question rules; however, my actions sometimes, sometimes only, contradicted that. My mother used to say that I was a covered amber, and I was, but never let the amber uncover and burn beautifully. Though years ago I began asking...wait, who decided that...or ...who made that rule...Yes, I am not done yet; I am a project in progress, and now...enjoying the ride as much as I can, with challenges, joys, and sadness at times.
Beautiful story, Monica. And here’s the golden nugget for me: “The problem with making rules for myself is that every rule eventually becomes another opportunity to judge myself.” (I always find at least one golden nugget in your writing.) I will hold that close today.
Thanks for a rousing read. It definitely got me thinking of all the rules imposed upon me, and how they keep haunting and heckling me. I appreciate your morning post and story. sounds like you were having a fun time. 🧡
This article spoke volumes to me. I'm 67 and just a couple of years ago began to put myself first after taking care of everybody else first. I am soon enjoying writing. Thank you Substack! And thank you Monica!!!
I agree. Who made the rules and why? I was fortunate to have a very nonconventional Mom and it gave me probably more freedom to choose. Though those "follow the rules" guidelines were also installed through society, advertising, social mores.
I have no idea what I am passionate about because after finally retiring I am tired. And trying to find my way back to me outside of all the expectations to show up to work and play the role. I have given myself permission to rest and regroup. Then it will become more visible. Thank you for this article!
Wow! This was powerful! To speak your mind so clearly at 18 and have a patriarchal father shut you down. Yup, women’s liberation still had chains.
And…Breaking the rules! What amazing freedom.
Rules…they need to be argued, they need to be weighted and measured. Rules do not fit all circumstances. Perhaps we need guides, not rules.
Problem is....the guides eventually become the rules.
Omg, the irony of it ALL
I accept your challenge today, Monica. One rule.
I'm trying to find one rule ... Good grief, sounds like we're on our way to Lord of the Rings, Mount Doom, doesn't it? One rule to rule them all! .... The only thing I can get a bit of a ping of is: Art, writing, and crafts are not sensible: You need to be an accountant or secretary.
My parents used to say that to me 100 times a days sometimes!
You’re right on. When I turned 70, I said to myself, “F—-, I can do whatever I want now. And…when the kids come to visit, they can make their own beds.”
You mentioned something about “passion.” I wanted to quote that! Thanks for the morning talk.
I don't know why this made me laugh the way it did but it's a great thing to say. Like "Let them eat cake! ... and cook it themselves!" lol
Monica, you’re like the light in the window for someone who is looking for some kind of map. It’s a map in the sense that you offer guidance and support no instructions or directions. Helping women find the power and strength they always had and didn’t really know how to access.
I’ve been a rule breaker most of my life, and as you wrote about, it didn’t necessarily bring wealth or notoriety, it sometimes brought a loneliness of sorts. However, I’d rather have done it that way and learned how to live with myself as fully as possible than to have followed every rule deeper and deeper into my own depressive state of being.
Keep the light burning because it’s so wonderful to see the welcoming face at the door.
Monica, 5 weeks before my wedding, I called it off. I was miserable, and my father said, "Someone who is about to get married should be happier." I realized the momentum was carrying me along - the bridesmaids had their dresses, the organist was booked, and the apartment was rented. It is SO HARD to call off a wedding. I can understand the pressure on you as an 18-year-old.
When I broke it off with my fiancé, he swore he'd be miserable for the rest of his life. Six months later, he was married. Six months after that, he was a father. He's now divorced. A year after I broke my relationship with him, I met my husband - we've been married 56 years.
I create Truth Meme REELS if anyone's interested. I'm in a tough situation myself. 61 and hating it. Yet I create bc I STILL can. AND it's about TRUTH. Not being shut down, shut off or starved of validation. I'm against that so I CREATE and I love it. I'd post one but that option isn't available. Some are on my page here. I have probably 200 Reels & Truth Memes by now. YouTube Channel TikTok Instagram & two accts here. MATA MAKE AMERICA THINK AGAIN PROJECT 👁️ 🧠 🧐🤔 🤯💬 🤓 I found out in testing I gave a higher than usual IQ but people say imma nerd, a freak, a weirdo and what we else they make up.
I learned to VALIDATE myself. TADA 🎉
Oops ignore the typos ..my phone is insane 😂
Good for you!!! So glad you got away and found yourself!! I'm still in IT...the prison of Malignant narcissistic gaslighter blowhard DBL down foolishness=
MY Marriage !! 26 years AGO I said yes. I had no idea 💡 what I was getting into. But, I had the feelings I shouldn't do THIS. I was sick though and I needed help. That was my help. I thought God sent him. Maybe God did I'll find this out later. But it WASNT exact just to save me at the time but to save him too. NOW it's hatred. Self loathing crying PITIFUL hatred. Tragic how your supposed Earth Angel becomes your bully love. Cringe.
I had misgivings about entering into my marriage, but I definitely didn’t have the strength, at age 26, to break things off once the wedding plans were made and the invitations were sent. I ended up filing for a divorce 7 1/2 years later.
Brilliant Monica! The phrase that says I have established a continual performance review of myself, complete with a disapproving supervisor who lives in my head...OMG...that is me! Still today! So thank you! I was always a follower who didn't question rules; however, my actions sometimes, sometimes only, contradicted that. My mother used to say that I was a covered amber, and I was, but never let the amber uncover and burn beautifully. Though years ago I began asking...wait, who decided that...or ...who made that rule...Yes, I am not done yet; I am a project in progress, and now...enjoying the ride as much as I can, with challenges, joys, and sadness at times.
Beautiful story, Monica. And here’s the golden nugget for me: “The problem with making rules for myself is that every rule eventually becomes another opportunity to judge myself.” (I always find at least one golden nugget in your writing.) I will hold that close today.
Thanks for a rousing read. It definitely got me thinking of all the rules imposed upon me, and how they keep haunting and heckling me. I appreciate your morning post and story. sounds like you were having a fun time. 🧡
This article spoke volumes to me. I'm 67 and just a couple of years ago began to put myself first after taking care of everybody else first. I am soon enjoying writing. Thank you Substack! And thank you Monica!!!
You’re most welcome. I’m glad the article connected with you stick around. There’s a whole lot more to come.
Thought provoking piece.
If you don't know your passion or what rule hid it, how can you excavate it?