I have been told I am too direct, too loud, too intense by many people over the years - and often from women - female teachers, female colleagues, females in social situations. I've been lucky in my life to have had incredibly supportive men as well as women. I think this judgment can come from either sex - from people who choose to tell others how to behave and feel threatened by confidence.
Yes, exactly. The impulse to silence or shrink us doesn’t always come from men—it can come from anyone threatened by confidence, directness, or unapologetic presence. I’ve had just as many women try to tone-police or sideline me. But here’s the truth: I’ve never had powerful, supportive men in my life. That’s part of why I refuse to quiet down now. I had to become the one who supports me.
Thank you for naming the nuance—this conversation matters.
Welcome! If you’re craving authentic connection, you’re in the right place. Substack has been a breath of fresh air for me—real voices, real stories, and readers who actually care. I’m so glad you’re here.
I learned sometime ago in this type of situation to always use the word 'WOULD' when replying with a question to these types of dudes. It seems this particular word jams up their neanderthal brain!
Haven't many of us spent our lives conforming, people pleasing, toeing the line, not making waves, holding back, fitting in?
I now feel I haven't really ever been my true, authentic self. I button my lip rather than say what I really think, going for harmony every time, rather than discord, controversy or rocking the boat.
When I do speak as I feel I have been told to either calm down, or been patted on the shoulder in a condescending manner by those thinking they are reeling me back in, saving me. It's annoying!
Are we all too polite?
Aren't we allowed to rattle a few cages, go against the flow as we age? No one wants to deliberately antagonise, but - am I alone in having as friends women who don't ask for much from life, who find authenticity and questioning the status quo a bit, well....not nice?
It's quite exhilarating and liberating being me. What a shame its taken me 70 decades to find myself and be brave enough to reveal a different woman.
I have been told I am too direct, too loud, too intense by many people over the years - and often from women - female teachers, female colleagues, females in social situations. I've been lucky in my life to have had incredibly supportive men as well as women. I think this judgment can come from either sex - from people who choose to tell others how to behave and feel threatened by confidence.
Yes, exactly. The impulse to silence or shrink us doesn’t always come from men—it can come from anyone threatened by confidence, directness, or unapologetic presence. I’ve had just as many women try to tone-police or sideline me. But here’s the truth: I’ve never had powerful, supportive men in my life. That’s part of why I refuse to quiet down now. I had to become the one who supports me.
Thank you for naming the nuance—this conversation matters.
I just joined Substack and am hoping it will be a good platform for authentic connection.
Welcome! If you’re craving authentic connection, you’re in the right place. Substack has been a breath of fresh air for me—real voices, real stories, and readers who actually care. I’m so glad you’re here.
Hi Monica - just posted my first article
Thank you. I have enjoyed your posts
Getting out now, for all of the reasons you listed and more....@ 57 years old!
32 years too long!
I spent the final Friday hour in the office of the not so superintendent getting the “fixing” again. Vicious little game.
I learned sometime ago in this type of situation to always use the word 'WOULD' when replying with a question to these types of dudes. It seems this particular word jams up their neanderthal brain!
This! For 30 years during my career. Thank you for sharing this.
For 30 years I lived with an invisible muzzel. Dang it feels good to no long wear it!
Blimey - that piece struck a chord. Thank you.
Haven't many of us spent our lives conforming, people pleasing, toeing the line, not making waves, holding back, fitting in?
I now feel I haven't really ever been my true, authentic self. I button my lip rather than say what I really think, going for harmony every time, rather than discord, controversy or rocking the boat.
When I do speak as I feel I have been told to either calm down, or been patted on the shoulder in a condescending manner by those thinking they are reeling me back in, saving me. It's annoying!
Are we all too polite?
Aren't we allowed to rattle a few cages, go against the flow as we age? No one wants to deliberately antagonise, but - am I alone in having as friends women who don't ask for much from life, who find authenticity and questioning the status quo a bit, well....not nice?
It's quite exhilarating and liberating being me. What a shame its taken me 70 decades to find myself and be brave enough to reveal a different woman.
That response deserves a standing ovation and maybe a T-shirt.