Gratitude lists always felt like work to me—something I had to earn or prove. So I stopped. And I started tracking joy instead. One word at a time. Here's how it works.
Last year, when I was going blind while waiting for cataract surgery, I received much kindness and support from friends and strangers alike. While this was going on, I didn’t need to formulate a gratitude list to remind myself to be thankful for the kindness shown to me. The feeling of gratitude and appreciation just bubbled out of me without any effort on my part.
Even now, two months after the surgery (which was sponsored by local Rotarians), I wake up bubbling with joy and gratitude every morning when I open my eyes and I can SEE clearly.
So perhaps in the end the spontaneous feeling of gratitude is much like the feeling of joy…
Oh wow—this is the living proof of what I was trying to say.
You didn’t have to think grateful. You didn’t have to list it. Gratitude rose up in you—unforced, unmanufactured—because it was real. It had roots in your body, not just your mind. And look what bubbled up beside it: joy.
What a radiant reminder that when something opens inside us, when life meets us in a true, heartfelt way, we don’t need practices to perform the feeling. The feeling becomes the practice.
Thank you for bringing your vision and your voice here. I felt this one in my chest.
Feeling grateful has always had this undertow of lack for me. As if I've had to level up in some kind of way to get it, or should be grateful to have an opportunity to be grateful at all, or I don't really deserve it but still need to be grateful. This definitely is a personal subconscious limiting belief raising its head. But even with that awareness it still feels like something obligatory or another thing I should be doing. Having said that, yes! There are moments when true feelings of goodness, a recognition of how in sync and glorious and how happy I am to be here in the mix flows forth! I would describe these as you have ... joy. The other thing I've learned (this will sound contradictory) is that for the hard stuff, the stuff that I'd not feel grateful for typically, i acknowledge by pausing and saying "what a gift." I learned this from David Ghiyam. This has changed everything for me. Because it recognizes that there's much that helps us to expand which comes in the hard things. It's a way to take the power away from down spiraling reactions in the moment but also is recognition of the greater scheme or purpose of all things. That was a lot! Thank you for the concept of writing descriptors of feelings or sensations. It's brilliant.
I think I'm having a little trouble with the difference between noting what I'm grateful for and feelings of joy. Maybe I'm just not good at recognizing feelings....which IS true of me, I know. I am truly grateful for things throughout the day.
Same thing here...gratitude always felt like a chore to me, something like I owe in order to be happy, content, worthed. And I am not an ungrateful person.
Last week I broke my cell phone, yes, I did. My phone hadn't been working the way it should, too slow. Anyway, I got so mad, I slammed it down on the counter.
The next day my husband and I went to town to get a new one. I had to call customer service. All got was a automated response and couldn't get through to a real person so there I did it again, I slammed my husband phone down and no, it didn't break. My husband looked at me and said I was so ungrateful. No I wasn't ungrateful, I was very upset.
I do think, I do had a bit of a anger issue though. Hmm maybe.
Oh, friend… I actually think your anger is holding more truth than you’ve been allowed to name. It’s not just about a broken phone or automated customer service. My hunch? It’s the not being heard. The not being seen. The invisible weight of being a paying customer, a grown woman, trying to handle your life—and running into a wall of dismissal.
That moment of slamming the phone? It wasn’t about gratitude. It was about being fed up. You were asking to be acknowledged. To be helped. To be treated like a person.
So I say, don’t rush past that anger. Sit with her. She’s telling you something’s been off for a while.
And by the way? You’re not “too angry.” You’re just finally done pretending everything’s okay when it’s not.
We’re allowed to have our edges. There’s wisdom in the fire.🔥
I find that gratitude lists do work for me. I write a few each evening before bed and they're very often the same things - it Durant feel like a chore. It's a reminder. Count my blessings and remember how many there are.
Joy is good too, of course, and I always note that in my journal.
Whatever works best for each. We're all different, thank goodness!
Hi from South Africa!
Last year, when I was going blind while waiting for cataract surgery, I received much kindness and support from friends and strangers alike. While this was going on, I didn’t need to formulate a gratitude list to remind myself to be thankful for the kindness shown to me. The feeling of gratitude and appreciation just bubbled out of me without any effort on my part.
Even now, two months after the surgery (which was sponsored by local Rotarians), I wake up bubbling with joy and gratitude every morning when I open my eyes and I can SEE clearly.
So perhaps in the end the spontaneous feeling of gratitude is much like the feeling of joy…
Oh wow—this is the living proof of what I was trying to say.
You didn’t have to think grateful. You didn’t have to list it. Gratitude rose up in you—unforced, unmanufactured—because it was real. It had roots in your body, not just your mind. And look what bubbled up beside it: joy.
What a radiant reminder that when something opens inside us, when life meets us in a true, heartfelt way, we don’t need practices to perform the feeling. The feeling becomes the practice.
Thank you for bringing your vision and your voice here. I felt this one in my chest.
The embodiment of gratitude. Lovely!
Feeling grateful has always had this undertow of lack for me. As if I've had to level up in some kind of way to get it, or should be grateful to have an opportunity to be grateful at all, or I don't really deserve it but still need to be grateful. This definitely is a personal subconscious limiting belief raising its head. But even with that awareness it still feels like something obligatory or another thing I should be doing. Having said that, yes! There are moments when true feelings of goodness, a recognition of how in sync and glorious and how happy I am to be here in the mix flows forth! I would describe these as you have ... joy. The other thing I've learned (this will sound contradictory) is that for the hard stuff, the stuff that I'd not feel grateful for typically, i acknowledge by pausing and saying "what a gift." I learned this from David Ghiyam. This has changed everything for me. Because it recognizes that there's much that helps us to expand which comes in the hard things. It's a way to take the power away from down spiraling reactions in the moment but also is recognition of the greater scheme or purpose of all things. That was a lot! Thank you for the concept of writing descriptors of feelings or sensations. It's brilliant.
I think I'm having a little trouble with the difference between noting what I'm grateful for and feelings of joy. Maybe I'm just not good at recognizing feelings....which IS true of me, I know. I am truly grateful for things throughout the day.
Hmmmm.
Confused.
Suggestions?
Examples?
You’re not broken. You’re just precise. And precision matters here.
Gratitude and joy live in different parts of the body.
Gratitude is often mental.
“I appreciate this.”
“I’m thankful this worked out.”
It can be sincere, true, and still a little flat in the nervous system.
Joy is somatic. It registers before language.
It’s a sensation, not a sentence.
Think of it this way.
Gratitude says: This is good.
Joy says: Ahhh… there you are.
Here’s how to start noticing joy when you’re not fluent in feelings yet.
Stop hunting for big emotions
Joy is not fireworks. Especially at our age.
It’s often a flicker.
Examples from real life:
• You exhale without realizing you were holding your breath
• Your shoulders drop when you sit down
• You catch yourself humming
• Warmth spreads in your chest for half a second
• You smile at something ordinary and don’t explain it away
Those count. Those are gold.
Ask a different question
Instead of
“What am I grateful for?”
Try
“What felt even 2 percent lighter just now?”
“What softened?”
“What didn’t tighten?”
Joy often shows up as less effort, not more happiness.
Borrow this simple filter
At the end of the day, run moments through this test:
Gratitude = I could list it in a thank-you note
Joy = my body noticed before my mind did
Example:
“I’m grateful for my morning coffee.”
“I felt a tiny surge of pleasure when the first sip hit my tongue.”
The second one is joy.
If feelings are fuzzy, start with the body
You don’t need to name emotions yet. That comes later.
For now, write things like:
• “Warm”
• “Settled”
• “Spacious”
• “Quietly pleased”
• “Relieved”
Joy Ledger entries can be fragments. Incomplete sentences. Single words.
Joy does not require eloquence. It requires attention.
And here’s the part I want you to hear clearly:
People who say they’re “not good at feelings” are often very good at them.
They just learned early to bypass the body and go straight to gratitude, duty, or appreciation.
You’re not confused.
You’re recalibrating.
If you want, tomorrow try this experiment:
Don’t write what you’re grateful for at all.
Only write moments when your body said “yes” before your brain commented.
That’s where joy lives.
That was very helpful.
I very much appreciate your reply. And the examples.
I am starting to grasp what you mean.
It's different, honestly, than what is ingrained deep inside me.
I want to recalibrate.
I will let you know....
Thank you.
Very much.
Reach out anytime.
Same thing here...gratitude always felt like a chore to me, something like I owe in order to be happy, content, worthed. And I am not an ungrateful person.
Thank you Monica ❤️🔥🎶 joy. because that is ultimate purpose of our Creator.
I have found that when you have Joy, the Gratitude comes without effort.
Last week I broke my cell phone, yes, I did. My phone hadn't been working the way it should, too slow. Anyway, I got so mad, I slammed it down on the counter.
The next day my husband and I went to town to get a new one. I had to call customer service. All got was a automated response and couldn't get through to a real person so there I did it again, I slammed my husband phone down and no, it didn't break. My husband looked at me and said I was so ungrateful. No I wasn't ungrateful, I was very upset.
I do think, I do had a bit of a anger issue though. Hmm maybe.
Oh, friend… I actually think your anger is holding more truth than you’ve been allowed to name. It’s not just about a broken phone or automated customer service. My hunch? It’s the not being heard. The not being seen. The invisible weight of being a paying customer, a grown woman, trying to handle your life—and running into a wall of dismissal.
That moment of slamming the phone? It wasn’t about gratitude. It was about being fed up. You were asking to be acknowledged. To be helped. To be treated like a person.
So I say, don’t rush past that anger. Sit with her. She’s telling you something’s been off for a while.
And by the way? You’re not “too angry.” You’re just finally done pretending everything’s okay when it’s not.
We’re allowed to have our edges. There’s wisdom in the fire.🔥
I find that gratitude lists do work for me. I write a few each evening before bed and they're very often the same things - it Durant feel like a chore. It's a reminder. Count my blessings and remember how many there are.
Joy is good too, of course, and I always note that in my journal.
Whatever works best for each. We're all different, thank goodness!